'Strictly Come Tweeting 2017: Week Four (07.10.17)

Tonight’s movie themed edition of Strictly Come Dancing was a memorable fare, mostly for the right reasons.

Definite highpoints included Aston and Janette’s routine to a Justin Timberlake song from Trolls, Debbie’s quick strep and Alexandra’s classy Viennese Waltz to Wouldn’t it Be Loverly to name a few. I found myself tweeting a long as usual, passing comment on things as they unfolded. See below for what nonsense was said.

6:36PM: I'll probably tweet about Strictly for a bit. I apologise to the disinterested.

6:38PM: Richard Coles: finally someone miming playing the piano on #Strictly who can actually play piano. One of my bugbears.

6:40PM: Hang on...it's daytime outdoors. Does Elstree have similar sunlight hours to Iceland in the summer?

6:43PM: Claudia's neckline reminds me of the Champagne Supernova sugar jar.

6:44PM: Tess Daly has never experienced emotion, but she read about one once.

6:45PM: How can they do Toy Story and not use Anton du Beke?

6:48PM: Simon Rimmer's balaclava has slight shades of gimp mask to it.

6:53PM: Eighteen Pointless survey contestants wouldn't get the Jaws reference.

6:54PM: Anton du Beke: older than Roger Moore at his oldest.

6:56PM: If I were dancing a rhumba, there would be four times as much dry ice.

7:00PM: I don't think Craig's comments on Ruth's acting were fair; for someone without that background, I thought she did pretty well.

7:03PM: Mollie's wig is like a ginger Ruth Madoc.

7:05PM: AJ's come as the youngest boy of the Von Trapp children.

7:07PM: If you climbed ev'ry mountain, you be fucking knackered.

7:08PM: Missing Len's sevens.

7:09PM: Len Goodman's favourite waterway is the River Severn.

7:12PM: Is that Richard Coles or Richard Clayderman?

7:21PM: Debbie, as lovely and light on her feet as ever.

7:24PM: Isn't the ten-second rule to do with food on the floor?

7:29PM: Brian & Amy dancing in hold leaves them open to "If I only had a frame" feedback.

7:32PM: Perfect song, character choice and routine for Brian.

7:34PM: Jungle Book II: The Wrath of Shere Khan.

7:36PM: I think Gemma Atkinson's wearing an outfit. Is she wearing an outfit?

7:36PM: Aljaž's got my stomach.

7:37PM: Aljaž channelling Van Gogh.

7:38PM: Gemma's got my widow's peak.

7:44PM: Tom Cruise isn't gay.

He's not gay.

Tom Cruise isn't gay.

He's not gay.

He's got 3 kids.

Tom Cruise isn't gay.

(Hollywood mantra)

7:52PM: You don't clap along to Indiana Jones.

7:56PM: Jonnie, channelling Owen Wilson.

8:09PM: Tess Daly's mouth: where puns go to die.

8:10PM: Joe...he so smiley.

8:11PM: Top marks for the lighting design for the Doctor Zhivago number.

8:13PM: I could be bitchy about Aston's routine here and copy him in, but I don't want to be branded a Twitter Troll.

8:16PM: Aston's hair is sponsored by Jedward.

8:22PM: Ah, the soulless on-beat clapping of the white middle-class.

8:29PM: Hands up who's thinking of Airplane?

8:31PM: Stage Manager: "Quick! Clear the treads".

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...

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