mostly david ephgrave

Show number two (well, three if you count the launch show) was a bit of a commitment when it came to running-time, but that's the way it goes when there are so many couples to get through. Thankfully, my Saturday nights aren't the halcyon fare they once were (actually, were they?) so I was available and happy to stick with it. As ever, I tweeted along with proceedings like the armchair critic I am; see below for my unnecessary commentary (which was minimal, actually): 6:43PM: Tess' opening gambit: like a soulless panto.   6:52PM: Don't let Bruno's FedEx plug mislead you: other postal delivery services are available.   6:53PM: ...but what was with that black sofa?   6:54PM: Tony Hadley has that glitter-slash-door-on-casters on his rider.   7:03PM: Whatever animal they skinned to make Bruno's jacket from was both well-tailored and camp.   7:46PM: I feel a bit sorry for James Cracknell when it came to the feedback; the judges sometimes put too mu...

Tonight, another Strictly series started in earnest with an opening show as long as a Peter Jackson film, only more chintzy.  As per usual, I found myself tweeting along with the action. See below for what was said and when should you be interested.  7:05PM: I'd like to remind you once again that the #Strictly studio's the same room where Jack Nicholson went mental as the caretaker of the Overlook Hotel in The Shining.   7:19PM: "Kicking off 2019". In September   7:32PM: All us musicians across the land, waiting for the edit.   7:36PM: 5-5-5-5: my PIN.   7:38PM: AJ: "How did you start vlogging?"    Saffron: "Well, my dad was a vlogger..."    7:40PM: Finally, AJ has a partner that makes him look like the adult.   7:47PM: Mike's miming break looked like Father Dougal doing Elvis. Fun though.   7:54PM: James Cracknell's channelling Paul Nicholas.   7:58PM: Tonight, Tess Daly's wearing an old man's trou...

Tonight I committed the cardinal sin of forgetting to take part in the Strictly vote. I only just remembered a few minutes after the deadline, which was frustrating as I really wanted to vote for Lauren tonight as she’s doing exceptionally well, but doesn’t seem to get the recognition. As I say below, I feel the judges choose mark each contestant based on their individual traits rather than casting an eye over everyone and marking them accordingly - and for some reason despite coming on in leaps and bounds Lauren is still talked to like she’s not putting anything into it. Here are my tweets about tonight’s show: 7:13PM: I think @glyndoggett and I took a show to Edinburgh in 2008 called 'The Bounce Debate'.   7:27PM: Worth remembering next time Tess does one of her soulless, wooden, dead-behind-the-eyes links.  7:30PM: Nice work if you can get it.     7:31PM: Small balls, big balls, Ed Balls.     7:33PM: Shut up, Tess: I ...

I’ve tweeted about Strictly less over the past few weeks, which is probably best for all concerned, though it’s fair to say that when I feel the need to pass comment, it’s usually on the same subject. That subject is Tess Daly, who hosts the show like she’s recently been discharged from hospital following a full frontal-lobotomy. While I’m sure she enjoys the programme really, she sounds like she's barely paying attention, so much so I suspect she sneaks off for a cheeky fag whenever anyone's dancing; if she attempts to connect with what’s going on she winds up sounding like an android with a dodgy faux-emotion chip. It all boils down to a simple misunderstanding of comedy. Since the days of Brucie she’s delivered her set-ups as punchlines, which makes the gags fall flat; she’s so busy gurning and overdoing it, she kills the joke stone dead. This is particularly evident when she does a link to camera with Claudia, where her hamming up of th...

Today’s Strictly was one of the most enjoyable episodes in some time, largely due to the strength of the routines. Some of the best dances tonight were   unexpected; perhaps my favourite was Kevin and Stacey’s street commercial routine that packed a lot of punch. I also really enjoyed Graeme’s dance for polar opposite reasons, as it managed to capture the elegance of the era with a perfectly contained performance to go with it. As ever, I tweeted along with precedings : Today’s Strictly was one of the most enjoyable episodes in some time, largely due to the strength of the routines. Some of the best dances tonight were   unexpected; perhaps my favourite was Kevin and Stacey’s street commercial routine that packed a lot of punch. I also really enjoyed Graeme’s dance for polar opposite reasons, as it managed to capture the elegance of the era with a perfectly contained performance to go with it. As e...

Tonight’s Halloween week of Strictly Come Dancing didn’t exactly set me alight. It’s always billed as one of the most exiting episodes of the series, but as with each week’s episode, whether it captures your imagination is a delicate balance between the celebrities appearing and their dances, outifts and themes. That’s not to say that hair and make-up didn’t go all out to make things look good; they always surpass themselves to make the show literally sparkle with imagination. Stacey and Kevin’s Doctor Who-style walz was a great example as they managed to make them look like The Doctor and a cyberman perfectly, while also hitting all the right buttons. While tonight’s show was a quieter affair for me, I still tweeted along with it. Here’s what I said: 6:52PM: Oh, opening VT: why so awkward? 6:54PM: Don't say Tess Daly's name three times, whatever you do. 7:00PM: "Zombie montage." https://twitter.co...

So, that’s a line finally drawn under or through this year’s Strictly Come Dancing, now tonight’s Final has come and gone, and for once, I don’t feel disappointed by the result. Joe was one of the most strong and steady contenders the series has seen since it began, having never appeared in the dance-off or ever having looked even vaguely out of his depth. He’s also effortlessly likeable and genuine, and consequently looked more flummoxed than anyone to be picking up the admittedly shitty Glitter Ball at the end of tonight’s show. He’s not the only contestant I would have been more than happy to see win the show (Debbie McGee is my obvious other choice), but I have to admit to being genuinely pleased when Tess Daly announced his name (which is probably the only time she’s ever made me pleased ever). Finally, we have some conclusive proof that nice guys don’t always finish last. But what am I supposed to do now with my Saturday evenings? See below for tonight'...

Tonight’s Musicals edition of Strictly was as eventful as ever, with everyone putting in a star turn as was befitting the occasion. As I my usual habit, I tweeted along with proceeedings, like the teenager I am; see below for my tweets: 7:10PM: Tonight, Claudia's come dressed as a domino. 7:13PM: Surely, Aljaž needs to do a routine to All That Aljaž. 7:17PM: Live singers (not dead). 7:17PM: "You came down those stairs". That, she did. 7:25PM: There are hairs on my head that are older than AJ. 7:27PM: AJ's quiff is well-rendered. 7:30PM: Tess Daly is reminiscent of Monty Python's Dead Parrot: nothing behind the eyes, yet with a tendency to repeat EVERYTHING. 7:38PM: Manet makes the world go round. 7:41PM: I hope Giovanni's been neutered. 7:43PM: HOW WAS DEBBIE ATTACHED JUST THEN? 7:45PM: I liked the bit when they were dancing. 7:47...

Another week, another episode of Strictly, and another compilation of my tweets; read them and weep (if this sort of thing makes you emotional): 6:56PM: Tess looks like a gangster with their jacket over their shoulders. 6:58PM: Is Tess off out? 7:01PM: *Idea for a Bruce Willis-starring sequel shot in London called Die Shard* 7:03PM: Is someone else doing Tess' arms for her tonight? 7:07PM: Peter Kay has only just finished reading out the terms & conditions. 7:08PM: I wish someone would tick MY dream box. 7:11PM: Gorka surreptitiously using Alexandra's feet to clean the floor there. 7:18PM: In the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the...etc. 7:19PM: "Those aren't pillows..." 7:21PM: Oh for God's sake, Tess, we heard what the judges just said; you don...