mostly david ephgrave

My dad's been in hospital for a week now, and the latest news is he may need a operation tomorrow, though we should find out more in the morning. You reach a point with all this back and forth where you long for a time when everything wasn't built around health appointments. For someone from a generation that doesn't go to the doctor unless their face has fallen off - and even then it would be reluctantly - my dad has spent a lot of time at the hospital or the doctors' over the past few years. This is great in the sense he's being treated and getting help, but I do think it's conspired to make him more paranoid and careful than he used to be. When things are as they are, this could lead to putting too much aid in place, potentially too early. This is where my dad is at the moment, following a couple of incidents where he'd basically lost consciousness in a challenging situation - either on the floor or in bed. Consequently, he now has a pendant alarm and...

I’ve been feeling low-level nauseous all day today; just enough to make the day generally unpleasant without things coming to a head or me being sick so I could then move on from it. I don’t know why this was the case, though it may have something to do with meeting my friend Steve for a catch-up yesterday, though I only had a glass of wine when I was with him so I doubt it was that, though it may have been the food I ate. Whatever the case it’s just been frustrating, as it’s put a damper on the whole day I could have done without. Despite what may have been some questionable fish and chips I had a good time yesterday. We’ve been fortunate enough to see each other pretty regularly since Steve moved away, though I of course preferred when he was in the area. Steve’s much like me in the sense he’s not on Facebook so doesn’t play that whole game; a game that frequently makes me feel I’m on the outside of the grid just because I’m not taking part. I guess in many ways I keep myself...

At the risk of sounding like an old man, my knee’s been playing up for the past few weeks. It’s something I’ve suffered from on and off for a few years that’s become markedly worse in recent months. I’ve seen a chiropractor regularly since I slipped a disk in my back thirteen years ago (unlucky for me) so I’m fully aware problems like this often stem from compensating for an injury elsewhere in the body, but whatever the cause, it's reached the point where walking can be painful and kneeling down's a near impossibility; I couldn’t join with an NFL protest if I wanted to. At my last chiropractor appointment, he suggested I have it x-rayed, as my problem joint - I call him Mr Right - feels and moves differently to my left, so it’s worth ruling out the possibility of the early stages of arthritis. He said my GP would probably be reticent to do this - he was correct - but at it would be good to get the issue on record at least. The GP recommend...

I sometimes feel I’m on the outside of the group, largely thanks to social media. It’s probably paranoia, but I often worry people don’t like me, or think I’m self-promoting, detached or arrogant. I suspect I irritate those I know with too many jokes, or by trying to chase up an audience for my shows. Yet again, Facebook is the biggest negative influence, with me regularly feeling like I’m shouting into the darkness to disinterest. This suspicion also translates to my work, particularly with comedy. I regularly offer gigs, but seldom get any back. I’ll actively mention I’m on the hunt for spots and previews on Facebook and Twitter, in the hope that this might result in an act I know returning the favour, largely to silence - but when someone else does the same thing, or shares what they're up to, the Like Brigade come out in force. I know I’ve probably got the wrong end of the stick. There’s little point in worrying about what’s happening on Facebook anyway, as it i...

It says a lot about the state of paranoia I live in that when someone rings the doorbell, my first thought is ‘IT’S THE POLICE’. This may suggest I have a guilty conscience. I haven't, though it’s best not to ask why I recently re-tarmacked my drive. I’ve just become so conditioned into not receiving visitors that when there’s a knock at the door, I only assume the worst. The plus side to living in a block of flats (the drive bit was a lie) is that anyone who wants to see me has to get past a security door first. Provided they don’t arrive before midday, when they can gain access by pressing the services button. So if I ever commit a crime, I need to make sure it remains undetected until the early afternoon. Then I’ll have time to climb out of the bathroom window to make my escape. I’d still have to walk past the front door to get away, but I’d have a head start. A few years back, I was 'knocked up' by the law (not like that). They were going from door-to-doo...

I’m a little bit obsessive-compulsive. It’s not debilitating – I haven’t washed my hands once since starting this sentence - but it definitely plays a part in my everyday life. Incidentally, OCD would scan a lot better alphabetically. Part of it probably comes with being an actor. It’s quite common to go through a series of little rituals before a performance; partly out of superstition, partly out of the necessity to warm up. I definitely do this - though sometimes it’s hard to tell whether my little pre-show routines fall more into the former or the latter category.   Sometimes it’s just about clearing your mind. When you’re onstage in a play, it’s very easy for your personal thoughts to intrude; the last thing you want when you’re trying to concentrate on what your character should be thinking. This is particularly common if you’ve been doing the same show night after night; I remember Hugh Laurie once describing this in an inter...