mostly david ephgrave

And so, that’s it. The last BBC series of The Great British Bake Off draws to a close, with an ending more emotional than the final shot of Blackadder Goes Forth spliced with the snowman melting to the tune of Aled Jones. It’s sad to think it’s done, and the dream team of Mel, Sue, Paul & Mary must part (until the BBC entices the majority of them back with a different format). In the same way that Brexit means Brexit, C4 no doubt means C4. Still, it was fun while it lasted. Who knows?: maybe the move will breathe new life into the proverbial oven; we’ll have to wait and see. Below you’ll find tonight's live tweets. I’m glad Candice won, though I did mourn the lack of Selasi. How long before he hosts a show with Nadiya? Not long, I hope. 8:01pm: Continuity Announcer: "...but who will be crowned as the winner?" (Answer: Love Productions, at £25million). 8:02pm: Andrew Eddie Red(head)mayne. 8:03pm: Paul Hollyw...

Tonight’s Bake Off was a Tudor-themed affair, with Celtic jumbles, pies and marzipan peacocks galore. It also saw the sad departure of Benjamina; a talented and likeable baker, with perhaps the laziest thought-up of female names (when in doubt, stick an A on the end of it). As ever, I tweeted along with the show, probably missing half of the action whilst struggling to write something concise about my love for Paul Hollywood. See below for today’s ramblings; they be about cake. 8:03pm: The day the world ends, Selasi should be the one to make the announcement. 8:05pm: Jane's hair would be great to tackle those hard-to-reach cobwebs in the corner. 8:06pm: YOU'VE got cogs at the bottom. 8:08pm: "I've run out of pie-related puns." 8:10pm: Mel: "Mary and Paul are looking for a firm filling". Too easy. 8:15pm: My only Tudor-related joke: Henry VIII’s second wife would nev...

Sifting through my tweets about last night’s Great British Bake-Off to compile today's blog has only served to reiterate one thing: that programme's become utter filth . What used to be a mere sprinkling of Kenneth Williams Carry-On-style allusions to adult situations is now a deluge of full-on dirt. No wonder it’s moving to Channel Four; when it does, its transformation into a cake-based Eurotrash will be complete. Below you’ll find my record of last night’s shenanigans, but be warned: a parent or guardian should accompany anyone under the age of fourteen who's reading it. 8:04pm: Tonight, Paul, Mary, Mel and Sue should stop standing on ceremony and just say "penis". 8:07pm: Paul: "If you put too much filling in, you're not going to fit it in your mouth". [INSERT EUPHEMISM HERE]. 8:07pm: Heh heh. "Cream filling". 8:08pm: Mary Berry, as the builder she's hired to do ...

There's something about the autumn that finds me constantly tweeting along to the TV. It probably looks like I’ve nothing better to do with my time, though in a way, it’s a time- saver , as it indirectly gives me a bit of a break from finding things to discuss here; I’ll often abandon my usual prose-based blogs, in favour of a summary of my Twitter ramblings on whichever show was on that night; it’s not my fault that University Challenge, Strictly Come Dancing and The Great British Bake Off all air at once. Tonight’s Bake Off was a pastry-case in point. See below for what came to mind whilst watching this evening's show. At the risk of a spoiler, it was a shame to see Rav go. Did you also know that Bruce Willis was dead in Sixth Sense? When it comes to spoiling people’s fun, I’m the best. 8:02pm: I'll probably tweet along with # GBBO for a bit; apologies to the uninterested. 8:04pm: Just a few minutes in, and I miss Va...

Today saw the second instalment of this year's series of the Bake Off, which I watched with the fingers of one hand poised on my mobile's Twitter app, and the other hovering over the biscuit barrel; I like to multi-task. See below for a round-up of my sweet-treat tweets, thus marking the third day running of Twitter-based blog posts; it seems that after Edinburgh, I can only write in 140-character bursts. 8:01pm: Mel's hood makes her look like Rod Stewart. 8:04pm: The strings underscoring #GBBO are played by the Hollywood, Berry, Perkins and Giedroyc Quartet.   8:05pm: Val's ice cream anecdote was worthy of Parkinson.   8:07pm: Tom packing a sausage = FOOD PORN. 12:08pm: Benjamina's not a name. 8:11pm: I like how the colour of Paul Hollywood's beard fades into his shirt. 8:14pm: Paul & Mary's challenge: make 24 identical biscuits. David's challenge: to eat 24 identical biscuits before the end of segment. 8:16pm: The downside to...

To mark the return of the Great British Bake Off today, I thought I'd share a few of the tweets I've posted about the show's striking male judge over the past six years.  I swear I'm not obsessed.  Paul Hollywood is as nifty with an oven as he is with a Remington MB4045 Beard Trimmer. #GBBO You don't want to know what Paul Hollywood keeps in his garage. #GBBO Paul Hollywood's beard is backlit. #GBBO Paul Hollywood's eyes can see through walls. #GBBO Paul Hollywood's hair is the definition of precise. #GBBO Paul Hollywood despises cufflinks. #GBBO Paul Hollywood. Yellow shirt. No cufflinks. Cowboy stance. Yes. #GBBO Paul Hollywood's hair comes off in one piece. #GBBO Paul Hollywood has a room in his house that's devoted entirely to hair product. #GBBO Look at Paul Hollywood's chunky watch. He's so manly. #gbbo Paul Hollywood, rocking h...