mostly david ephgrave

I know now's not a good time to feel defeated, but I do. It doesn't help that my main source of income - Mostly Comedy - is on enforced hiatus (although I've been predominantly ploughing money into it lately) or that the Bath Comedy Festival and Brighton Fringe have both been postponed until after Edinburgh (the thing they were in the diary to prepare for, although there's currently a big question mark hanging over that too). On top of that, there's my ongoing situation with an unaccountable relative, which involves so much scapegoating and negative reinforcement, the best course of action is to step away entirely before you're enveloped in the blame-game; it must be nice to be so guilt-free. But there's more to it than that: I'm tired of feeling like nothing's going anywhere. Being self-employed for eighteen years requires an iron constitution and endless energy, and frankly, I'm spent. I miss the collaboration that went with being ...

I find myself trying to avoid negativity at every turn at the moment, which is particularly hard when you venture near the internet.  I know sometimes I’m the one complaining, be it here or on Twitter - or just shouting at my television - but I wish we spent more time celebrating the good instead of looking for the worst in everything, particularly when coming from an uninformed viewpoint. For example, I read an article today, which as an aside threw out the statement, "Carole King could never sing”; I don't think we need dignify that with a response. The problem is, we live in a society where it’s become fashionable to tear people down instead of build them up; Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and the Daily Mail, I’m talking to you. All three examples will spout on relentlessly from a point of complete ignorance and sadly, a disquieting proportion of people lap it up. It’s like drivers slowing to look at a road accident or the abundance of magazines discussing whether celeb...

I managed to do a little gentle writing today, which was good, though the piece I was working on still needs finishing. What I really miss, which I’ve said here before, is someone to collaborate with. I haven’t had this for so long, I almost can’t remember what it’s like, other than knowing how much easier it is to see an idea through to completion. Even a solo performer requires someone to bounce off of, or at the very least a director, but I never have this either; put simply, no-one would be interested in doing it, which is very dispiriting. I’m finding this lack of a sounding board particularly hard at the moment, as I approach writing my fourth solo show in three years. My three previous shows really were very different to each other; perhaps more so than necessary. Of the lot, the last one - ‘Now Who’s a Comedian?’ - felt the most like I was pulling out all the stops, and while it wasn't perfect (there definitely were parts particularly i...

I’ve only got two more performances of last year’s show to go - tonight in London and next month in Leicester - and while I’m still proud of it, I realised yesterday why it’s so hard to keep hold of that. When I first performed a skeleton version of it at Bath Comedy Festival last April, I was already happy with the reaction it got; for me, it was nice to be doing something fresh, plus I was fortunate enough that the audience enjoyed it at this early stage. The following month I took a slightly more polished version to the Brighton Fringe which also went down well, and this continued to build across the various previews in June and July and into the (allegedly) finished version to Edinburgh. The problem psychologically is the negative by-product you pick up along the way. In most cases, every show is the first time that audience has seen it, yet inevitably I’ve been to every one (it would be weird it I wasn’t); and while there’s nothing wrong with having to approach it afr...

Today was a busy day of jumping from one thing to another, but ended up being productive nevertheless. I started the day feeling quite negative and overwhelmed by the situation I’m in work-wise at the moment and the things I need to do. If I allow myself to frame things negatively - which I’m prone to - there’s a sense that nothing’s changing and that aspects of my career are stagnating and won’t improve. Cast the net too widely and you can give yourself the distorted view that everyone else is better off than you; Facebook is a huge culprit in feeding this, which is why I try to keep my distance when I’m not at my best. Thankfully, a meeting this morning helped me vent my frustrations and reminded me of the good things that have happened recently that I’d forgotten. I came away invigorated and with a greater sense of purpose once I’d cleared the mental fug I’d woken up in. As I left, I picked up a message from my friend Sarah suggesting we...

I'm finding meditation invaluable at the moment, when it comes to settling my frantic brain. Another thing I apply in huge doses is selective deafness. While there have been a lot of positive advances in my work and with my attitude this year, the first half of 2016 hasn’t been without its setbacks. There are plenty of niggles that could overshadow the good stuff if I let them. Take last week’s run on the Brighton Fringe: on the plus side, it was a huge advancement on the show I wrote and performed there the previous year. My first extended foray into solo stand-up was understandably tentative and careful, whereas this year’s show is already more confident, more varied and – I think – funnier than the one before. I’m prouder and more sure about it, despite my inbuilt and instinctive insecurities with what I do – yet sadly, no-one reviewed it thus far. Consequently, I’m set to enter my first solo Edinburgh Fringe with a couple of scathing reviews still lurking at the to...