mostly david ephgrave

The other day, when running for the train, I slipped on a banana skin. I never believed this was possible; I thought it was an urban myth put around by the anti-fruit brigade to inspire panic. Apparently I was wrong; on the basis of new evidence I can state without fear of hyperbole that the general public are at constant threat from fatal, life-changing, irreversible movement-restricting injuries as a result of irresponsibly discarded peel : just passing a chip shop could result in a catastrophic fall leading to mass limb-removal surgery of the sort that would leave you just a torso and a neck - and all because the staff dispose of their skins in a reckless manner; don’t let it be said that you haven’t been warned. Thankfully my literal run-in with banana peel didn’t result in a man-down incident, merely putting me in a careering yet controllable skid. It was only on glancing back as I continued my station-heading sprint that I saw the unlikely culprit, which led to a o...

Worryingly, the biggest laugh I got at tonight’s Mostly Comedy was entirely by accident – when I fell over on stage in full view of the audience. To be fair, the fall was pretty spectacular. It happened at the beginning of the second half. I introduced myself from the off-stage mic, bounded on energetically – and, thanks to the distinct lack of grip on the soles of my shoes, skidded and collapsed in a heap on the floor. My limbs splayed in every direction; I wasn't aware of my own flexibility. What made it particularly special was the off-stage introduction. I made absolutely certain that everyone was looking in my direction; I might a well have dived through a hoop into a pool full of water. I’d like to think I made the most of a potentially embarrassing situation: I stood up afterwards with my arms outstretched, like a gymnast completing a tricky dismount – and bowed to the audience. All it needed was Glyn to hold up a scorecard for th...