mostly david ephgrave

It's with a small sense of pride that I note that Phil Collins, Adolf Hitler and a beardless Noel Edmonds are currently among my top thirteen results on Google Images. Now that, my friends, is what I’m talking about . It eclipses the time the most popular Google search about me was ‘David Ephgrave gay’ by far. I can rest, safe in the knowledge that my online presence rubs shoulders with the Trio of Evil that is the shout-singing gated-snare-loving drummer from the film Buster, the most reviled figure in recent history – and Adolf Hitler. To be fair, this situation is indirectly of my own making. The photos of Collins and Edmonds have featured on my blog, and the Führer photo (actually Bruno Ganz in Downfall) is a result of a Twitter comparison to Tim Wonnacott on Strictly Come Dancing. I may have brought my internet bedfellows upon myself, but I'm going to revel in them. Who cares if I'm never employable again?

Nothing terrifies me more than the collective ignorance of the general public – and this is seldom more evident than during a mainstream television game show. A particular favourite of mine is the National Lottery’s ‘In it To Win it’: a programme that is best watched from behind your fingers. I didn't have much of an opinion on Dale Winton until I watched him present it. Now he has my utmost respect; the patience he displays when confronted by the dregs of the population is nothing short of astounding. A few months ago he asked a contestant “Which famous ‘Buzz’ was part of the crew of the 1969 moon-landing?”. The woman looked blankly at him and answered “Buzz Lightyear.” It was the dismissive shrug she gave when Winton told her it was Buzz Aldrin that upset me most; she might as well have said “Why the Hell should I know that?”   A typical excuse that’s often given is “That was before my time”. That’s bullshit. The dinosaurs were extinct millions of years before th...