mostly david ephgrave

So, once again, Christmas has come and gone, bringing mountains of food with it. While I ended up missing most of the Chrimbo telly, I did manage to catch the Strictly special, which made for an enjoyable break from my one-man mission to bring on obesity. As ever, I tweeted along with proceedings. See below for he gritty details. 6:51pm: I bet this is prerecorded. 6:53pm: Another trophy made in the Blue Peter studio. 6:55pm: What you don't realise is they took the Christmas tree to that care home in August. 6:56pm: Neckless Harriott. 6:57pm: Ainsley's medication has just kicked in. 6:58pm: Ainsley Harriott: never has a celeb warranted a "You came out" from Len Goodman. 6:59pm: Craig got the short straw when it came to costumes. 7:01pm: Pigs in Blankets: "Comedy". 7:05pm: Gethin has good posture...but what do I know? 7:07pm: Gethin's outfit reminds me ...

It’s hard to believe we’re teetering toward the end of the current series of Strictly Come Dancing. Before we know it, it’ll all be over, and the show will decamp to Channel Four for a reboot hosted by Paul Hollywood, sans Mary, Mel and Sue. I, for one, don’t relish this, as the BBC is Strictly’s natural environment, even when hosted by the less-than-natural Tess Daly; I think she's made of polyester. (I may be a little confused.) See below for my twitter running commentary for tonight. It’s a laugh-a-minute, or your money back. 6:55pm: Ah, the awkwardness of the judges-dancing-on bit. 7:00pm: There's a conveyor belt on stage; where's Brucie? 7:01pm: (I'd like to point out, I got the Brucie 'conveyor belt' joke in seconds before Len). 7:02pm: Hallo...the Craig Revel Horwood Panto Beard is in progress. 7:03pm: Why they haven't had Louise dance to her Top 4 single 'Arms ...

Pulling together a blog compiling my tweets about last night’s Strictly Come Dancing makes me feel a little fraudulent, as I missed the first half of the show because I was out for a meal for my mother-in-law’s birthday (which I call ‘The Les Dawson Excuse’). I nipped to my office afterwards to read this tweet from Glyn: This only made things worse as, not only out, but my double act partner - who was away tour-managing an adult pantomime in Eastbourne (as you do) - was actually relying on my snarky commentary. For the sake of completeness, see below for what I said about what I saw: 7:39pm: "You fanky chicken, you." 7:40pm: You don't love Judge Rinder, Tess. YOU DON'T LOVE ANYONE. 7:40pm: Barcey Dussell. 7:43pm: Well...the male model's a gimp. 7:43pm: Ed Balls can't get no double-negatives. 7:45pm: "Everybody's naughty.” 7:50pm: ...because go-karting is the best way to spend time ...

One thing everyone involved with Strictly seems to drone on about all series is Blackpool Week, at least until tonight, when they’ll probably pipe down about it for another year. While I understand the importance of the town to the ballroom world, I’m never that excited at the prospect of the programme coming from there, primarily because I’ve actually been to Blackpool, which I loved as a child, but less so as an adult; it makes Great Yarmouth look positively glamorous. See below for my tweets about tonight’s show (with a big prediction as to one of next series’ contestants at the end; I bet I’m right): 7:00pm: That awkward moment when Will Young appears in the #Strictly opening credits. 7:02pm: The musical theatre songs I hate the most are songs about musical theatre. 7:05pm: No one's squeezing MY slow winkleman. 7:06pm: Tess' sympathetic "Awwww" due to Daisy Lowe leaving made me swear and shake...

Tonight’s Strictly Come Dancing was another evening of top quality performances, if you managed to blank out Tess Daly’s links. I sometimes worry my tweets about her are too bullying, but then hear her speak. It’s like listening to an automaton, who somehow manages to be physically close to the action on the dance floor, yet mentally distant. It’s as if she saw a terrible road accident on the way into Elstree that she can’t blank from her mind, or she’s recovering from shellshock. Thank God Claudia Winkleman’s there to raise the standard. See below for tonight’s Twitter ramblings (unless you’re Tess, when you’d better skip it): 6:58pm: If anyone isn't wearing a poppy on tonight's #Strictly , at any point, I'm kicking off. Even if it falls off mid-dance. 6:59pm: Tess Daly's dress is a mystery to me. 7:05pm: Daisy Lowe and Aljaž danced in front of a VW (a camper van) and Bruno Tonioli (a camper man). 7...

Another week of Strictly went by tonight, though there was no theme of sorts, with Halloween a thing of the past and Blackpool still a few weeks away. The standard was exceptionally high, but this didn’t stop me from passing my usual armchair critique on Twitter; see below for tonight’s running commentary (and judge for yourself how it reads out of context.) 6:57pm: If Tess Daly writes a book about her #Strictly years, she should call it 'Phoning it in'. 7:02pm: ...because playing pool helps you learn to dance. 7:03pm: Little Richard; not a euphemism 7:13pm: (Pertinent choice of music, what with her being called Daisy and everything.) 7:19pm: Fascinated by the cheek-line of Ore's beard. 7:21pm: Ore & Joanne's routine is like Wham! on an acid trip. 7:24pm: Joanne's dress looks like a camp Neapolitan ice-cream. 7:27pm: The moment someone's poppy falls off, I'm ph...

My God, I tweet along to the television a lot. Still, at least it keeps me out of trouble, relatively speaking. Tonight’s Strictly didn’t really set me alight, save a couple of routines (including, strangely, two rhumbas). This didn’t stop me from giving my own running commentary to the show; who wouldn’t want to read the thoughts of an ex-Musical Theatre student with a general mistrust of Musical Theatre, and has zero dance ability?  See below for what went from my brain to my phone to Tim Berners-Lee’s Internet. 6:37pm: I'll probably tweet about #Strictly for a bit. Sorry. 6:38pm: I've got tension in MY ballroom. It's essentially a muscle strain. 6:41pm: Tess Daly has borrowed Vanessa Feltz's hair for the evening. 6:42pm: Lesley Joseph has come as 1970s Cher. 6:44pm: Judge Rinder is wearing sparkly camouflage, thus negating the camouflage. 6:47pm: Oksana's skimpy outfit is cunning...