mostly david ephgrave

I'm still trying to fight the feeling my life's hit a stalemate. This year is my seventeenth since leaving drama school and, while I've dipped in and out of a variety of jobs in the interim, I feel stuck. In a way, things were simpler when I was jumping from actor/musician work to work as I was pretty much always employed with a sense of an upward trajectory to my career. Then in-between that I'd do the odd play at the small theatre in my hometown to keep my hand in on straight acting and stop me feeling like I'd stepped too far from my original plan. Admittedly, this wasn't without its setbacks. For much of this period, I was still feeling the brunt of my band's split - which was forced by my constant touring - and the sense of having made the wrong choices and taken the wrong route; this played on my mind daily and stunted my enjoyment of my work. My perception of this only really changed when I joined the writers' group The Comedy Project in 2005 ...

As I tentatively start to get my head around my creative plans for the year, there's a definite weariness attached to my long self-reliance and a longing for a time when someone else invests their energy and enthusiasm in what I'm doing, rather than having to generate that interest myself. It's ultimately boring to be the sole poster-campaign for yourself, not to mention dispiriting, while the energy and selective-deafness required is huge; being a self-employed performer requires endless patience and a fair amount of self-belief, particularly when pitted against the lack of financial security and the amount of work you put in for little tangible result. Being an actor and musician is one thing - and a marginally easier field to earn a living in - but when you throw self-producing Fringe comedian in to the mix, the amount of money you supposedly invest in what you do is insane compared with the money you get out. What I crave is a little outside belief; I know I'm c...

It’s almost worth doing the Fringe for the feeling you get as you travel away from it: ideally at speed. At time of writing I’m on the train to Peterborough, where I’ll meet my connection to Hitchin and not a moment too soon (unless I'm early). That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the last month - although I’m not entirely sure ‘enjoy’ is the right word for it - but nevertheless, it will be a relief to be home; taking a show to Edinburgh’s always a grueling experience, so it’s best to give yourself a little distance from it (both literally and metaphorically) before you reflect over how it went for you, for good or for bad. One thing’s for certain: I don’t ever want to do a show at midday again. My two previous solo Fringes were at the same time too, but this year, the downturn in numbers was painfully evident, which was such a shame when I think the show was my best, in the sense that it had a lot more depth. On the plus side, I felt the p...

Today, I finished registering the dates I’ll be doing on the Brighton Fringe next year. (A foretelling of what's to come next year.) I’ve billed the show ‘David Ephgrave: All Work, No Progress’ , with the caveat that this time it will be unfinished business; I decided to give myself less pressure to present a completed entity so early in the year, rather than expect too much too soon. Then, should I venture Edinburgh-wards in August, I’ll have a few months to work up whatever I have by May into something more polished. The title sadly feels like a statement of where I'm currently at. I’m feeling a little frustrated after my London dates, what with the cost incurred and the lack of a paying audience to counteract it. If you want signpost your perceived unpopularity, put together a show with your name in the title and let things unfold from there. I’m being melodramatic; things aren't re ally as bad as all that. I’d just like to get more of an industry t...

I went into the office today with the intention of doing some work to promote next month's performance of my solo show, but ultimately, I couldn’t find the enthusiasm to do it. It’s not that I don’t have faith in the show itself (though like any creative person, I flit between thinking what I do is good or awful with alarming speed and frequency). It’s just that today, for whatever reason, I wasn’t in the mood to big something up for what seems like the millionth time, to no apparent interest. I know that sounds a little maudlin and self-pitying. The last bit’s also not strictly true; it’s just how it feels today, at this present moment. Working alone is hard; there’s no two ways about it. You only have yourself to depend on, and if you start feeling negative, this feeds laziness and apathy, which in turn, makes you feel worse. I’ve never been good at maintaining self-belief, particularly when no-one’s investing in what I do, or cajoling me on ...

I spent much of today sending out emails to secure a few more preview bookings of my show over the next month.  Pleasingly, it looks like most of the venues I contacted will come good by resulting in another performance, though frustratingly, they've all be left open-ended, in that I'm still waiting for the final confirmation that we're going ahead. I don't like ending the day without a resolution, as it makes me feel tetchy about the outcome.  I look forward to when I don't have to be the only one doing all the organising. It's annoying to split my attention this way, as I end up feeling like I spend more time organising than performing - and all while working to a budget that couldn't be tighter; it's fine to speculate to accumulate, if the accumulation ever comes. Who'd work in the performing arts, eh?