mostly david ephgrave

I'm adjusting to a world where the voice behind my frequently unhelpful self-editing is no longer in my arsenal. (No bum jokes here, please.) Pretty much every time I write, perform, tweet, speak or think, a part of my brain kicks in, assessing how a particular person in my life will react to it. I wish that were an exaggeration, but it's true. Admittedly, I'm internalising, but it's an act of self-protection as it was easier to run it past the fictional version of them than face the wrath of the real one. Now, albeit in the worst circumstances, I'm turning to a new dawn, where their view isn't relevant.  Doing this involves limiting exposure to both the imaginary and real voice; neither will be easy as they've been there forever, but as the years progressed, they became synonymous with being made to feel guilty at the expense of me. The relationship was imbalanced with more emphasis on making me feel bad for not living up to their expectations ...