mostly david ephgrave

From September 2010, every month for two years, Glyn and I would carry four 4.5' square rostra 176 yards from Glyn's dad's chip shop to Mostly Comedy's then-venue The Croft before/after each gig, in all weathers, for a step in the venue floor to render them invisible when we put them in place. It was an utter ballache. Nine years on, these chunky wooden bastards still bug me. The Croft's stage was hardly the Palladium. And when I say "all-weathers", I genuinely mean all-weathers. The worst was snow, although it's not like a sunny day made it any more enjoyable. Not only were the rostra heavy, but they were also very cumbersome. They were wide and a nightmare to keep purchase; it was like holding a butter-coated tombstone with clammy hands. Navigating from A to B was akin to a scene from the Eric Sykes / Tommy Cooper film The Plank with equal slapstick; my knuckles practically dragged along the floor at the end of Orangutan-like arms by the end of our j...

The other day I saw a man wearing a t-shirt with ‘Awesome Dad Since 2007’ written on it. I hope his kids are eight. If they’re older, then he clearly has a brazen attitude to his poor parenting up to that date. What happened in 2007 to bring about a change to his paternal approach? He must have had a road to Damascus moment. Either that, or he just needed a new top. Maybe his children bought the t-shirt to acknowledge his improvement. It could act as a reminder of both how bad things were and how much better they’ve become. While he may still disappoint from time to time, at least his standards aren’t as low as they were at the turn of the century. You should have seen what was written on his t-shirt back then; the adjective wasn’t ‘awesome’, I can tell you. What if he has more than one family? If so, do they each have corresponding shirts? Timing laundry to line up with custody would be a nightmare. Whatever the motive behind the t-shirt may be, I suppose it could hav...