mostly david ephgrave

I’m annoyed that I’ve put on weight recently; not a lot, but enough to be aware of it. Before I know it, I’ll be doing my best Eamonn Holmes: dressing in deceptively large suit jackets, with my fingers barely able to clasp in front of my stomach. I’ll only wear black, or something dark with a smaller body drawn on the front, so I look like one of those outsized-headed football cartoons. I’ll be like Homer Simpson, when he purposely gets big enough to be eligible for disability allowance; when Lisa looks for me, I’ll be in the cellar, washing my fat guy hat: this is my future. Until now, I’ve never knowingly become more stout. Maybe this is what happens when you reach thirty-five: you’re once-fast metabolism goes kaput. I better take up squash or jogging; that or squeeze myself into some jogging bottoms; that’s the path of least resistance, I expect. I’ve got things in hand. My wife and I have decided to go for regular long walks for extra e...