mostly david ephgrave

Today’s show was a good one, which I was pleased about, as (1) I didn’t sleep well last night and (2) I had some friends in. Last night, I couldn’t switch my brain off. I usually listen to a guided meditation to assist falling asleep, which is always very helpful, but I should have known from the off it wasn’t going to do the trick yesterday when I spent a good ten minutes trying to set a level that didn’t make my phone buzz with the vibration of the recording, thus irritating me instead of helping me relax. It took me at least an hour to finally go under and I then woke up very early too, which isn’t exactly a winning combination. Part of the problem was I was very aware of having friends watching today and wanted to be well-rested for the show. Then, when I didn’t fall asleep quickly, I started to panic; what if I don’t get off at all? This is what happens when you get this far into a run and start over-thinking things. For me, each show is as important as the next, but ...

Things sometimes play on my mind at unhelpful times. This morning was a case in point. I woke up far earlier than I'd hoped, with a few niggles that I just couldn’t shake. Before long, I was wound up, both by what I was thinking about and when I was thinking about it; not that I’d made an active decision to mull things over, as my subconscious had made that decision for me. I eventually realised that I wasn’t getting anywhere and I certainly wasn’t going to fall back asleep. There also wasn't a chance of resolving what was on my mind, as this would involve talking to people who weren’t in my bed, and even if they were, it would have been rude to wake them up. I did what I should have done sooner and got up to make some breakfast and say hello to the cat (which isn't a euphemism). I also did something I got into the habit of doing when I was rehearsing my solo show earlier this year and wrote down what I felt needed resolving. This helps me shift from being o...

I put too much pressure on myself.  I've always been driven. It's a blessing and a curse. Conversely, I'm instinctively lazy. This combination of apathy and propulsion may seem incongruous. It goes back to my original point; it may not be that I'm lazy, just that I'm never happy with what I've done.  Even my blog is a case in point. Rather than being content to write something now and then when the mood took me, I told myself I had post something every day. If I didn't do this I wasn't doing enough. Reaching the milestone of my first year was satisfying, but this sense of pride was temporary; I instantly turned my mind to completing year number two.  I've always had high expectations. When I was in a band as a teenager, I told myself that we had to be as big as The Beatles or I would have failed. It was as black and white as that, with no room for shades of grey. This all-or-nothing mindset was ridiculous in ...