mostly david ephgrave

Today, I witnessed someone buy a Bounty by choice. It happened whilst I was standing in the queue at my local garage - which is stocked with pretty much every well-known confectionary you could think of, yet despite being spoilt for options, the woman behind me still told her friend she wanted a Bounty. I never knew such a thing was possible. I thought they were only ever eaten by those faced with slim pickings after sifting through boxes of Celebrations at Christmas. Yet here was a woman who would most likely have eaten the Bounties first; she must be a sadist. I mean, let's not beat around the bush: Bountys are fucking horrible; in fact they're the Devil's chocolate. Eating one's akin to biting into a bar of soap. Up until now, the only person I've ever known to enjoy one is my dad, which is why I'll usually foist upon him the aforementioned Christmas treat dregs, and it's possible he only eats them out of politeness. The woman in the garage, howev...

Two foods I have no cut-off point with are biscuits and grapes. The former option is obviously far less healthy than the later. If somebody started selling grape-flavoured biscuits, I'd never leave the house (providing whoever baked them delivered; if not, I’d have to pick them up in person or make them myself, which sounds like too much effort). Today’s a case in point: my breakfast consisted of ASDA’s crunchy nut cornflake-( con flake?)-substitute, a mug of coffee, an episode of Frasier, followed by biscuit after biscuit after biscuit after biscuit. My alibi for the lack of exercise and the multi-biscuit intake was I was trapped under a sleeping cat. I had to eat what was in arm’s reach to survive; thank God I wasn’t sat next to a Bounty or I would have starved; those bars are the Devil’s fruit. Speaking of Bountys, Wikipedia describes them as consisting of a coconut filling “enrobed in chocolate”, which sounds too grand for my liking...