mostly david ephgrave

Today's the first day this week that I haven't set myself the task of editing one Glyn's and my podcasts, though I've still got one to do to clear the way for the others ahead. While I'm pleased to be recording them, I can't shake the background noise of "Why am I doing this?" in my head. "What's the point?" and "It's not like they'll bring in any money" also jostle for attention in my subconscious. I know it's all part and parcel of bridging the gap to Mostly Comedy being a going concern as opposed to just a growing one, but it's another example of putting in far more work than the money I can take out. And more importantly, I want my career to move on , after years of relentless self-generating without the support of the right agent; being honest, I haven't had good representation since my first agent retired in 2004ish. Even the nature of the interviews themselves can serve to remind me I'm no...

This evening, an email went out to our Mostly Comedy mailing list to plug my crowdfunding for Edinburgh situation, and within half an hour, we'd broken the £1000 barrier. I have to say this is pretty mindblowing and deeply encouraging, though of course there's still a long way to go. The response though has been so heartening; to think people care enough about my predicament to not only leave me words of encouragement - which is lovely - but to even dip into their pockets is quite something. I always assume much of the Mostly Comedy audience are only interested in seeing big names these days, but to throw a little kindness my way so willingly paints our audience base in such a good light; it restores my faith in humanity, which let's face it, was pretty non-existent prior to all of this. One thing I will do when I have a bit more time is to answer all the lovely messages people have posted when donating. Taking a solo show to Edinburgh is pretty isolating at the best of...

The other day, I watched a rough cut of the performance of my show we filmed at The Market Theatre in Hitchin last month and Glyn has done a splendid job with it; I look set to be in the uncharted territory of being both almost happy with a representation of me doing stand-up and looking forward to sharing it. I’m not saying it’s perfect - it wanders off a bit towards the end, but it did as a piece anyway - but the vast majority is a good quality reading of what I was trying to do that the audience were really on board for; I hope that by having a solid copy of my stuff to give to industry people, I may be able to end the stand-off between trying to book dates for them to come to and them being available to see it. In a way, the video is like having evidence: proof of the fact I’m not as bad a comic as my inner monologue tells me or like a handful of misunderstanding reviewers might say. I was actually quite proud of what I wound up with this year,...

I was feeling very worried about the content of my show after a comment from a friend the other day, though watching a video of last Wednesday’s preview today reassured me I’m on the right track. The thing said that concerned me was, “It’s not comedy”, which is understandably a clanger & a half if true. The statement was more positive in reality, as it was followed by “…but it’s very engaging”, but it’s still played on my mind for most of the week; when I’ve had so little feedback, any nugget I get is over-analysed to the point of ridiculousness. What was nice on watching the video back, was the feeling that it already holds together well, which is a good sign considering the time frame and the fact Wednesday’s show was the first time I included the songs I’d been so torn about putting in in the first place. My concern was they’d sit awkwardly next to the stand-up and slow down momentum, but I didn’t feel that when I looked back at it. Even the...

I went to visit my dad in hospital in Cambridge today and, considering how things were just three days ago - and how bleak the prognosis was - the improvement is pretty damn miraculous; it’s the Second Coming in an Ephgrave sense. This only serves to illustrate how incredible the human body is and what it can cope with. It’s also a reminder of what an excellent job the NHS does (which was something I wrote about a few days ago). Without a couple of well-meaning nurses giving my dad some medication towards the end of Friday primarily to make him comfortable he may very well have not been with us today; it just goes to show you what a crapshoot life is, to use a ostensibly negative word in a positive sense; it’s all just a succession of small decisions which add up to make a whole, for good or for bad; I can only be eternally grateful things turned out as they did as they very nearly didn’t. The hospital in Cambridge (Addenbrooke’s) is pretty space-a...

I sometimes feel like a fictional adult. Actually, you'd better switch “sometimes” with “always”. It’s particularly evident when I pass someone on the street. It’s at times like this when I feel l'm just portraying the role of a normal, well-adjusted human being with a job and a family: the sort of person who has a mortgage (I've got one) and a pension (I'm out of my depth there) and who actively contributes to society, and not someone who owns two pairs of jeans and barely a pair of shoes and has no idea what PPI means. The only thing that alleviates my worry slightly is the vague glimmer of hope that I’m not the only one; there must at least be a few people who feel the same as me. Surely? Maybe? Whatever the case, it doesn’t change the fact that a man approaching forty has been deemed an adult in every culture since the dawn of time. So why can’t I get my head around it? I think it’s universal to not feel age deep down. People often say they don’t feel...