mostly david ephgrave

Tonight saw tensions mount in the Strictly studio as the celebs faced their penultimate chance to show the judges and public what they can do. This evening’s spanner in the works was they each had to do two dances instead of one, so had less time to fit in more training during the week. Everyone came out of this excellently, with all manner of different routines showing off their crazy versatility. As ever, I tweeted my little heart out: here's what I said: 6:50PM: Sorry for being pedantic, but it's not really a semi-final, is it? 6:53PM: How many "Fuck off, Tess'" tonight? 6:56PM: Every week, before I go out, I watch a rundown of clips from the public on my iPad, telling me how great I am too. 6:57PM: I think Joe's splendid. 6:57PM: Live singers. Not dead: LIVE. 6:58PM: 6:59PM: Bruno gets a bonus in his pay packet every time he stands up. Not a euphemism. 7:...

Tonight’s Musicals edition of Strictly was as eventful as ever, with everyone putting in a star turn as was befitting the occasion. As I my usual habit, I tweeted along with proceeedings, like the teenager I am; see below for my tweets: 7:10PM: Tonight, Claudia's come dressed as a domino. 7:13PM: Surely, Aljaž needs to do a routine to All That Aljaž. 7:17PM: Live singers (not dead). 7:17PM: "You came down those stairs". That, she did. 7:25PM: There are hairs on my head that are older than AJ. 7:27PM: AJ's quiff is well-rendered. 7:30PM: Tess Daly is reminiscent of Monty Python's Dead Parrot: nothing behind the eyes, yet with a tendency to repeat EVERYTHING. 7:38PM: Manet makes the world go round. 7:41PM: I hope Giovanni's been neutered. 7:43PM: HOW WAS DEBBIE ATTACHED JUST THEN? 7:45PM: I liked the bit when they were dancing. 7:47...

Another week, another episode of Strictly, and another compilation of my tweets; read them and weep (if this sort of thing makes you emotional): 6:56PM: Tess looks like a gangster with their jacket over their shoulders. 6:58PM: Is Tess off out? 7:01PM: *Idea for a Bruce Willis-starring sequel shot in London called Die Shard* 7:03PM: Is someone else doing Tess' arms for her tonight? 7:07PM: Peter Kay has only just finished reading out the terms & conditions. 7:08PM: I wish someone would tick MY dream box. 7:11PM: Gorka surreptitiously using Alexandra's feet to clean the floor there. 7:18PM: In the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the...etc. 7:19PM: "Those aren't pillows..." 7:21PM: Oh for God's sake, Tess, we heard what the judges just said; you don...

As often seems to be the case when Strictly has a theme week, things were a little anticlimactic for me. Don’t get me wrong, there were some great moments - Debbie McGee’s terrific foxtrot for example, which was a joy to behold - but for the most part it was a little pedestrian; mainly in the instances when costumes didn’t match with the style of song a couple was dancing to. That said, those costumes, make-up and lighting were truly excellent, so gold stars all around. As ever, I tweeted along like a childish teenager with nothing better to do; see below for what I said. 6:39PM: How many shit ghost-related puns will Tess Daly gurn her way through this evening? 6:45PM: What, Anton? No sleeves? 6:46PM: "Singer...and face of a brand of condoms, Aston Merrygold." 6:52PM: It's like Tess Daly's not there when she's there. 6:56PM: Janette's make-up reminds me of what my cat looks like w...

I would argue the biggest star of tonight’s Strictly was Anton du Beke’s outfit. It certainly wasn’t a picture of subtlety, but that isn’t a quality you expect from du Beke at the best of times; least of all when he has to dance a samba. It may even have been a case of diversion tactics as, while his partner Ruth Langsford is definitely showing lots of improvement, a samba’s a tough call for celeb contestants at the best of times, with only the rumba being more of curse (unless you’re Debbie McGee as her dance tonight proved). See below for tonight’s Twitter shenanigans from me; they’re best read while watching the show back on iPlayer; treat it a bit like watching The Wizard of Oz while listening to Dark Side of the Moon. 6:36PM: There'll be some tweets about # Strictly; I apologise in advance. 6:36PM: I had a minute and a half of pure happiness once; it's probably best we don't talk about it. 6:38PM: Picture...

The question on everyone in my household-bar-the-cat’s lips during tonight’s Strictly was, “Did Bruno say ‘fuck’?” It was after the first dance of the evening, between Debbie McGee and Giovanni Pernice, that the supposed f-bomb came up. I’ve since watched Bruno’s feedback again and can confirm he actually said “Faff”, but it’s no wonder I questioned it at the time, as he’s been known to let the odd bit of fruity language slip live on air; I’m only thankful it wasn’t the c-word, or the Daily Mail would have been livid. Outside of Tonioli’s near cuss, there were some excellent routines, but one stood out above the lot for me and that was Susan Calman’s quickstep to Bring Me Sunshine; she shot around the dance-floor with her beloved partner Kevin and never showed such pace and did an exceptional job; her improvement over the past few weeks is nothing short of miraculous; it goes to show what you can do with a mix of application and a strong role-model...

Tonight’s movie themed edition of Strictly Come Dancing was a memorable fare, mostly for the right reasons. Definite highpoints included Aston and Janette’s routine to a Justin Timberlake song from Trolls, Debbie’s quick strep and Alexandra’s classy Viennese Waltz to Wouldn’t it Be Loverly to name a few. I found myself tweeting a long as usual, passing comment on things as they unfolded. See below for what nonsense was said. 6:36PM: I'll probably tweet about Strictly for a bit. I apologise to the disinterested. 6:38PM: Richard Coles: finally someone miming playing the piano on # Strictly who can actually play piano. One of my bugbears. 6:40PM: Hang on...it's daytime outdoors. Does Elstree have similar sunlight hours to Iceland in the summer? 6:43PM: Claudia's neckline reminds me of the Champagne Supernova sugar jar. 6:44PM: Tess Daly has never experienced emotion, but she read about one once. 6:...