mostly david ephgrave

I'm grateful for the little light that came on today, metaphorically speaking*, while playing a few old songs on my acoustic. It was like a gap in my DNA was filled** to complete me. I felt comfortable despite being out of practice, and for once, I didn't question what I was doing; it just felt right. I had a brief moment of clarity that wasn't undercut by my mood or sense of self-worth. If I can tap into this, it might give me the impetus to start something new. It probably helps that I've been revisiting the songs from my 2018 standup show, 'David Ephgrave: My Part in His Downfall', by posting video clips of them on social media as a placeholder until I start my next project (whatever that is). In truth, it's hard to know where to begin with that. The combination of Mostly Comedy's closure after so much difficulty and my long, drawn-out route back to the Fringe has left me burnt out emotionally, creatively and financially, and I need a chance to regrou...

Having become something of a lazy musician of late, I decided to apply some energy into actually improving my skills by buying an electric drumkit so I can work on my drumming. I wouldn't say I'm a drummer so much as someone who can drum a bit, which is wholly in keeping with my 'Jack of all trades, master of none' approach to life and particularly music. My experience is mostly limited to having a quick go on someone else's kit during a rehearsal or a soundcheck. And while I've never sat down to practise, it's certainly something I've always wanted to do. When you're a musician without a lead instrument, like me, it's easy to rest on your laurels and stop improving. I'm the type of person who only stretches himself musically when a job requires it; when I'm working as an actor/musician, I frequently find myself in the role of lead guitarist, bassist or keyboard player, which gives me a reason to focus on that instrument. And whe...

I'm still trying to fight the feeling my life's hit a stalemate. This year is my seventeenth since leaving drama school and, while I've dipped in and out of a variety of jobs in the interim, I feel stuck. In a way, things were simpler when I was jumping from actor/musician work to work as I was pretty much always employed with a sense of an upward trajectory to my career. Then in-between that I'd do the odd play at the small theatre in my hometown to keep my hand in on straight acting and stop me feeling like I'd stepped too far from my original plan. Admittedly, this wasn't without its setbacks. For much of this period, I was still feeling the brunt of my band's split - which was forced by my constant touring - and the sense of having made the wrong choices and taken the wrong route; this played on my mind daily and stunted my enjoyment of my work. My perception of this only really changed when I joined the writers' group The Comedy Project in 2005 ...

As I tentatively start to get my head around my creative plans for the year, there's a definite weariness attached to my long self-reliance and a longing for a time when someone else invests their energy and enthusiasm in what I'm doing, rather than having to generate that interest myself. It's ultimately boring to be the sole poster-campaign for yourself, not to mention dispiriting, while the energy and selective-deafness required is huge; being a self-employed performer requires endless patience and a fair amount of self-belief, particularly when pitted against the lack of financial security and the amount of work you put in for little tangible result. Being an actor and musician is one thing - and a marginally easier field to earn a living in - but when you throw self-producing Fringe comedian in to the mix, the amount of money you supposedly invest in what you do is insane compared with the money you get out. What I crave is a little outside belief; I know I'm c...

I kind of feel I've reached the limit of what I can do by myself creatively without someone else to believe in me. It might just be the gloom of the New Year without the impetus of something to sink my teeth into (cliché), or it may be a genuine reflection of where I'm at, but I'm just not feeling excited about what's ahead. I've worked so hard over the past four years, with my 2018 Edinburgh show 'David Ephgrave: My Part in His Downfall' ending up something I'm very proud of, and yet I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do next. Mostly Comedy has become something of a compulsion with me checking our emails and the ticket reports far too regularly, but despite the frequency I tinker with things to do with it, I've started to resent it. To be honest, it's been a love / hate relationship for years, but as it stands I've started to dread the shows as they've become an exercise in organisation I'm bored with in an atmosphere whe...

I had an appointment at the Royal Throat, Nose and Ear Hospital today - which is a subsidiary of the Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes Institute - to look into my ongoing vertigo (which is some kind of John Virgo / Alfred Hitchcock amalgam). It was good to finally have extensive tests to try to get to the bottom of something that affects me almost daily. I first experienced this level of extreme dizziness while working on Dreamboats & Petticoats in the West End, which literally hit me mere minutes from curtain up. All of a sudden, I felt like I was going to collapse, and had to be taken out of the show for fear I would faint mid-performance (which was all included in the price). My GP at the time suggested it may be labyrinthitis, but they never quite got to the bottom of it. The dizziness didn’t pass for weeks, which ultimately led to me leaving the cast of Dreamboats to recover, and ever since then, I’ve suffered long bouts of vertigo so often...