HAL You Doing?


The predictive text function on my mobile mimics my style perfectly, as this suggested reply to a message from my wife illustrates.


I always call her “mate” as we’re that comfortable with each other; that’s why she often calls me, “pal”. We went through a brief period where she was “la” to my “duckie”, but we’d just got back from a few days up North so it was unlikely to stick, which was probably for the best, really; I felt like we’d been catapulted into some sort of ill-advised Coronation Street / Brookside cross-over, which was too much of a cultural divide for me.

Putting sarcasm to one side for a bit, I don’t know why my phone suggested that phrase when I don’t think I’ve ever used the word mate in a text message even to a friend; it’s not a term I can use convincingly without sounding like I've firmly encased it in out-sized inverted commas. Not to mention the fact my previous text had been signed off with a couple of kisses, which surely rendered the word “mate” incongruous.

I find the whole automated response thing amusing anyway; how lazy do you have to be to let technology approximate your personality and assume your role in the conversation? My favourite example of this was when my wife and I were cat-sitting for a friend. We were a few days into to looking her when my wife received a text from the owner asking how her beloved pet was getting on, to which my wife's phone suggested she respond with “No idea!”; that’s pretty much the definition of heartlessness.

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