I’ve been feeling
low-level nauseous all day today; just enough to make the day generally
unpleasant without things coming to a head or me being sick so I could then
move on from it.
I don’t know why this was the case, though it may have something to do with meeting my friend Steve for a catch-up yesterday, though I only had a glass of wine when I was with him so I doubt it was that, though it may have been the food I ate. Whatever the case it’s just been frustrating, as it’s put a damper on the whole day I could have done without.
Despite what may have been some questionable fish and chips I had a good time yesterday. We’ve been fortunate enough to see each other pretty regularly since Steve moved away, though I of course preferred when he was in the area. Steve’s much like me in the sense he’s not on Facebook so doesn’t play that whole game; a game that frequently makes me feel I’m on the outside of the grid just because I’m not taking part.
I guess in many ways I keep myself to myself (says the daily blogger) but choosing to not be a part of Facebook can make you question your own popularity when you suddenly get much less contact. This was thrust in to focus by not being invited to a friend’s wedding recently that most of my friendship group are attending in some capacity, including people I would have classed as being the same level of familiarity as me. The last thing I want to become is the person who’s affronted to not be approached - I’m really not him - but it did make me question whether not being on Facebook could mean I’ve fallen off the radar, or even wonder if people don’t see themselves as being that close to me anyway.
The problem is, once you start thinking like that, everything around strengthens your distorted view. Another thing that left me despondent recently was when just one friend came to see me preview my show at the theatre in Hitchin as part of our Mostly Comedy Festival in July when so many from my local network of actors made the effort to watch a friend of similar local standing do his show at the same venue the following day. Now, I know this was partly to do with the fact the other guy was doing his first solo Edinburgh show whereas I do this stuff all the time, but it still hurt to see friends rush to see one and not the other.
I know I shouldn’t take this sort of thing to heart, but I can't help but wonder if I may have alienated myself. I certainly sometimes feel like I’m operating in a black hole from time to time. It’s probably just the curse of tiredness breathing life into a load of nonsense, which is as good a time as any to wrap this up and go to bed.
I don’t know why this was the case, though it may have something to do with meeting my friend Steve for a catch-up yesterday, though I only had a glass of wine when I was with him so I doubt it was that, though it may have been the food I ate. Whatever the case it’s just been frustrating, as it’s put a damper on the whole day I could have done without.
Despite what may have been some questionable fish and chips I had a good time yesterday. We’ve been fortunate enough to see each other pretty regularly since Steve moved away, though I of course preferred when he was in the area. Steve’s much like me in the sense he’s not on Facebook so doesn’t play that whole game; a game that frequently makes me feel I’m on the outside of the grid just because I’m not taking part.
I guess in many ways I keep myself to myself (says the daily blogger) but choosing to not be a part of Facebook can make you question your own popularity when you suddenly get much less contact. This was thrust in to focus by not being invited to a friend’s wedding recently that most of my friendship group are attending in some capacity, including people I would have classed as being the same level of familiarity as me. The last thing I want to become is the person who’s affronted to not be approached - I’m really not him - but it did make me question whether not being on Facebook could mean I’ve fallen off the radar, or even wonder if people don’t see themselves as being that close to me anyway.
The problem is, once you start thinking like that, everything around strengthens your distorted view. Another thing that left me despondent recently was when just one friend came to see me preview my show at the theatre in Hitchin as part of our Mostly Comedy Festival in July when so many from my local network of actors made the effort to watch a friend of similar local standing do his show at the same venue the following day. Now, I know this was partly to do with the fact the other guy was doing his first solo Edinburgh show whereas I do this stuff all the time, but it still hurt to see friends rush to see one and not the other.
I know I shouldn’t take this sort of thing to heart, but I can't help but wonder if I may have alienated myself. I certainly sometimes feel like I’m operating in a black hole from time to time. It’s probably just the curse of tiredness breathing life into a load of nonsense, which is as good a time as any to wrap this up and go to bed.