It wasn’t until I
posted a Facebook status yesterday rounding off my last performance of Mostly David
Ephgrave (not to be confused with my blog of the same name) that I realised how
many places I’d performed it.
This matches closely
with my constant assumption that whatever I've done is not enough. For some reason,
I easily forget things that offer credence to my work and push
examples of what I haven’t achieved to the forefront. I’ve been lucky when it
comes to acting and actor / muso work over the years and pretty active
with my comedy stuff - both with Glyn and on my own - yet I regularly enter shows thinking I’m not the ‘real deal’ (whatever that is).
I’ve written this many times here before, so I won’t over-egg it now, but I
often feel like a blagger, and take what others might see (to some degree) as
versatility as an example of not being good at just one thing.
Whatever the case, seeing the list of places I performed my second solo stand-up show (and my solo Edinburgh début) helped me feel a bit more real as a comic, and reminded me that however slow things may seem to progress when I’m over-analysing, I’ve made some big leaps: I pushed myself harder in the last year than I gave myself credit, though it’s indicative of how hard I am on myself that even saying this makes my teeth itch; there’s being self-deprecating and then there’s putting yourself down.
Whatever the case, seeing the list of places I performed my second solo stand-up show (and my solo Edinburgh début) helped me feel a bit more real as a comic, and reminded me that however slow things may seem to progress when I’m over-analysing, I’ve made some big leaps: I pushed myself harder in the last year than I gave myself credit, though it’s indicative of how hard I am on myself that even saying this makes my teeth itch; there’s being self-deprecating and then there’s putting yourself down.