Tired and Emotional.


Today I reached that inevitable point of the Fringe where frustration and exhaustion bubbles to the surface and you feel irritable and - put simply - want to go home.

That’s not to say I’m not enjoying being here or that I'm unhappy with my show - it’s actually quite the opposite - but however you feel about what you’re doing or how it’s going, bringing a self-produced solo show to Edinburgh is pretty much the dictionary definition of testing your stamina and everyone has their boiling point; I’m glad I have a day off on Monday, so I can regroup for the metaphorical final push.

My negative mindset was kicked off by today’s show, which was one of the busiest I’ve had, yet didn’t gel. There were some nice moments and a few happy faces, but try as I might, I couldn’t get much of a vocal reaction, so I was left with little time to breathe. It’s not that people weren’t enjoying it; they just weren’t an audience for big laughs, which was badly timed for a performer as tired and overwrought as me. It just felt a bit one-sided, with me throwing as much as I could into it to little response.

In shows like this you inevitably focus on the people who don’t seem to be enjoying it and today was no different; one guy was frowning so much during my last song it actually made me laugh. He was probably just listening to words or thinking about something else, but when you’re in such a small room looking miserable, it’s going to have an effect on the performer's demeanour: the show’s interactive; you’re not at home watching a DVD.

My tiredness turned to irritation as I packed up, which was compounded by a stressful walk back to my digs along the same busy road I’ve traversed countless times this month, made worse by having to battle my way through the Saturday crowds. My vertigo didn’t help matters, so I took the executive decision to postpone meeting my PR for lunch to another day, though I still had to go back out again to pick up my ticket for Brian Wilson tomorrow, which was even more pedestrian-packed and exhausting than the trip home.

On the plus side, I checked the Fringe website tonight to see I only have seven shows left. It’s not that I’m wishing the rest of the festival away, as I’m still determined to get the most out of it; I could just do with a break.


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