Tired and Emotional.
Today I reached
that inevitable point of the Fringe where frustration and exhaustion bubbles to
the surface and you feel irritable and - put simply -
want to go home.
That’s not to say
I’m not enjoying being here or that I'm unhappy with my show - it’s
actually quite the opposite - but however you feel about what you’re doing or
how it’s going, bringing a self-produced solo show to Edinburgh is pretty much
the dictionary definition of testing your stamina and everyone has their
boiling point; I’m glad I have a day off on Monday, so I can regroup for the
metaphorical final push.
My negative
mindset was kicked off by today’s show, which was one of the busiest I’ve had,
yet didn’t gel. There were some nice moments and a few happy faces, but
try as I might, I couldn’t get much of a vocal reaction, so I was left with little time to
breathe. It’s not that people weren’t enjoying it; they just weren’t an
audience for big laughs, which was badly timed for a performer as tired and
overwrought as me. It just felt a bit one-sided, with me throwing as much as I
could into it to little response.
In shows like
this you inevitably focus on the people who don’t seem to be enjoying it and
today was no different; one guy was frowning so much during my last song it
actually made me laugh. He was probably just listening to words or thinking
about something else, but when you’re in such a small room looking miserable, it’s going to have an effect on the performer's demeanour: the show’s
interactive; you’re not at home watching a DVD.
My tiredness
turned to irritation as I packed up, which was compounded by a stressful walk
back to my digs along the same busy road I’ve traversed countless times this
month, made worse by having to battle my way through the Saturday crowds.
My vertigo didn’t help matters, so I took the executive decision to postpone
meeting my PR for lunch to another day, though I still had to go back out again
to pick up my ticket for Brian Wilson tomorrow, which was even more
pedestrian-packed and exhausting than the trip home.
On the plus side,
I checked the Fringe website tonight to see I only have seven shows left. It’s not that
I’m wishing the rest of the festival away, as I’m still determined to get the
most out of it; I could just do with a break.