"You'll Have to Speak Up, I'm Wearing a Towel."


I had to cancel today’s show despite having a good turnout (for me), for the simple reason I couldn’t hear a bloody thing.

The cause was both dull and grim in equal measure: I occasionally have too much earwax for my own good, which is related to my whole vertigo situation, which at its worst will block my ear canal so much that no sound can get in (or out, should it need to); this is particularly the case when I’m rundown, which I clearly am at the moment. I had a similar problem before a show last year too, although it cleared itself just at the right moment; I had my fingers crossed that the same would happen today, but no such luck. I’d gone so far as to walk behind the curtain ready to make my entrance, but had been struggling so much to hear while chatting with my technician Robert just before - who’ll probably spot his name when this blog post briefly pops up on the screen at the end of my show tomorrow, so HI ROBERT - that I got into a bit of a panic, and decided it was best to pull the show, rather than put myself through an hour of being unable to tell if I was pitching anything right.

I just kept thinking about the time I hosted Mostly Comedy a few months back when my ear was similarly blocked; I was doing ten minutes at the top on my own as Glyn wasn’t there and it was like performing inside a vacuum. It was completely disorientating and panic-inducing, as I couldn’t rely on my own senses, which is pretty essential when you’re performing comedy; it was so bad I couldn’t even time a laugh, which made me sweat a lot for even me.

Here’s hoping it will be better tomorrow. I’ve been a good boy and have been regularly using my ear medicine, all while keeping one eye on the nearest hearing aid shops in Edinburgh that offer earwax removal. If all else fails, I’ll invest in an ear trumpet; I love my life.

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