My God, I tweet along to the television a lot. Still, at least it keeps me out of trouble, relatively speaking.
Tonight’s Strictly didn’t really set me alight, save a couple of routines (including, strangely, two rhumbas). This didn’t stop me from giving my own running commentary to the show; who wouldn’t want to read the thoughts of an ex-Musical Theatre student with a general mistrust of Musical Theatre, and has zero dance ability?
See below for what went from my brain to my phone to Tim Berners-Lee’s Internet.
6:37pm: I'll probably tweet about #Strictly for a bit. Sorry.6:38pm: I've got tension in MY ballroom. It's essentially a muscle strain.6:41pm: Tess Daly has borrowed Vanessa Feltz's hair for the evening.6:42pm: Lesley Joseph has come as 1970s Cher.6:44pm: Judge Rinder is wearing sparkly camouflage, thus negating the camouflage.6:47pm: Oksana's skimpy outfit is cunningly camouflaging Judge Rinder's moves than his own camouflaged costume is.6:48pm: Judge Rinder and Oksana were dancing on a pimped up version of the Krypton Factor's Physical Challenge set.6:51pm: Judge Rinder, after going up the steps to Claudia: "I remembered the steps".6:53pm: The puppet reading the terms and conditions looked like John Cooper Clarke.6:56pm: Resisting the urge to draw a graph on Anton du Beke's trousers.6:56pm: Tonight, Anton looks like David Cameron in drag.6:58pm: It's time for Bruno's anaesthetic dart.7:00pm: Each time Len Goodman says "You came out", I drink a vodka shot.7:11pm: Only Tess Daly could make the words "Get well soon" sound insincere.7:14pm: No dogs were harmed in the making of Anastacia and Gorka's quickstep.7:19pm: Tess Daly's mouth: where jokes go to die.7:23pm: I'm not rhumba fan, but Lhouise and Khevin's lhooked lhovely.7:27pm: I once shared a train journey with a man who didn't know all the words to Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.7:32pm: I'd like to watch Ed Balls do the 'flinging the woman around the floor' move with Diane Abbott.7:42pm: Try singing Ore Oduba's name to the tune of 'I Will Always Love You'. It works.7:49pm: Surely Daisy and Aljaž should be dancing in the dark to Dancing in the Dark.7:54pm: Genesis told Laura she can't dance.7:59pm: Two rhumbas in one evening that I've liked. I've changed.