GBBO 2016: Volume Ten (26.10.16)


And so, that’s it. The last BBC series of The Great British Bake Off draws to a close, with an ending more emotional than the final shot of Blackadder Goes Forth spliced with the snowman melting to the tune of Aled Jones.

It’s sad to think it’s done, and the dream team of Mel, Sue, Paul & Mary must part (until the BBC entices the majority of them back with a different format). In the same way that Brexit means Brexit, C4 no doubt means C4. Still, it was fun while it lasted. Who knows?: maybe the move will breathe new life into the proverbial oven; we’ll have to wait and see.

Below you’ll find tonight's live tweets. I’m glad Candice won, though I did mourn the lack of Selasi. How long before he hosts a show with Nadiya? Not long, I hope.

8:01pm: Continuity Announcer: "...but who will be crowned as the winner?" (Answer: Love Productions, at £25million).

8:02pm: Andrew Eddie Red(head)mayne.

8:03pm: Paul Hollywood. Hands in pockets. Cowboy stance. YES.

8:04pm: Paul Hollywood's beard looks a computer mouse.

8:06pm: Please, God, don't let next year's Bake Off be hosted by Tess Daly.

8:07pm: Andrew: "I'm looking for stiff peaks." Aren't we all, Andrew. Aren't we all.

8:11pm: Anyone with a many-layered hairstyle like Jane's should be able to bake a well-rendered meringue crown.

8:13pm: Why isn't anyone making a meringue Westminster Abbey?

8:17pm: To match with the Coronation / Crown Jewels theme, Paul and Mary should be viewing bakers' meringues from a conveyor belt. *Tower of London reference*

8:22pm: Use Jane's head to sweep away those tricky cobwebs from the ceiling corner.

8:25pm: Jane looks like a tousled blonde Beatle.

8:28pm: Candice's inner-monologue when her Victoria sandwich was being judged: "I'll cut yer"

8:34pm: #GBBOfinal is a hairstyle masterclass, w/ Jane's 'Elton John caught in the rain', Mary's 'Thatcher', Paul's 'hard as granite" & Sue's quiff.

8:39pm: Those retro photos of Jane put me in the surprising position of seeing her present-day hair as an improvement.

8:42pm: "...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the cake you bake".

8:43pm: My money's on Candice.

8:47pm: I'm going to have Paul Hollywood saying "The taste of that sausage is fantastic" as my text tone.

8:49pm: The final will end with Paul, Mary, Mel and Sue singing 'Get Back' on the roof.

8:51pm: Who gets Paul and Mary's blue contact lenses when it's over?

8:51pm: Candice. Nailed it.

8:59pm: Congratulations Candice. Commiserations BBC.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Hoo-ray and up She Rises.

So much has happened since my last post in March that this blog risks sounding like an itinerary. The main news is that Hitchin Mostly Comedy will return in the summer at a new venue, the Queen Mother Theatre . The road to this decision was convoluted, though enough fell into place en route to leave me optimistic about this new start. The catalyst was a survey I ran via our mailing list a few months back, in which I asked, "If the club returned in the current climate, with tickets still around £15 (and with similar line-ups), would you still attend?"; the response to which, in simple terms, was a resounding yes. Nearly 250 mailing list subscribers responded in a single week, with around a hundred also taking the option to leave some feedback. And only two people were abusive, which counts as a win when you consider they posted their comments online anonymously. Imagine how many more insults we would have received if the comedy club was a woman. Particularly if she was Diane ...
Read more