…and so Week Three of the Great British Bake Off came and went.
This week, the contestants tackled baking bread, thus playing entirely into Paul Hollywood’s strengths and expertise; he’s never someone who doesn’t look totally at ease, but if there was a time for him to be more than a little smug (a little?) it was today. I could have imagined it, but I’m sure his beard was even more neatly trimmed in tribute.
See below for my live tweets while watching this week’s show. If nothing else, they pass the time.
8:01pm: I'll be tweeting about bread for a bit. Apologies to the uninterested.
8:01pm: It's Bread Week (in tribute to Carla Lane).
8:04pm: Tom kind of looks like someone / everyone.
8:05pm: Paul: "How much butter have you got in there?" Candice: "250". Two hundred and fifty butters.
8:07pm: Paul Hollywood's glare has one of two undercurrents: (1) "I will destroy you." (2) "I wanna sex you up."
8:08pm: You know: an Irish Halloween Bread; that universally recognised thing.
8:08pm: Val's words of wisdom: "You don't need to buy bought chocolate."
8:12pm: "No-one likes a small under-filled ball." That double-entendre does itself.
8:16pm: "I hate oven gloves." Don't we all; oven gloves are worse than Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin and Robbie Williams mixed together.
8:27pm: A barbershop quartet singing a song about Dampfnudel; when it comes to our TV licence, we definitely get bang for our buck.
8:29pm: The underscore sounds like a glockenspiel arrangement of Tina Turner's (Simply) The Best.
8:33pm: Val lives in a flatshare with Daphne from Eggheads.
8:37pm: There's something unnerving about Mary Berry using the words "whopping loaf".
8:37pm: My wife hates Val and Kate. She really hates Val and Kate.
8:40pm: Val's unhinged. She's completely unhinged.
8:43pm: I wish someone would fill the plaited ring of MY centrepiece.
8:44pm: Kate's face: *shakes fist in the air".
8:46pm: Andrew's making a bread colander.
8:49pm Andrew's making a bread colander.
8:49pm:Val's f**ked it up.
8:58pm: Kate's pretending she's surprised by the praise when she's completely expecting it.