I was a bit frustrated with how tonight's gig turned out.
My wife, who was there, assured me it was good, but I was unconvinced. It's the first time I've done my solo show since returning from Edinburgh, and my first gig (I had two others booked in, but one was cancelled due to a poor turnout and the other I cancelled myself), but despite having felt pretty good about it when I've been running it in the week, tonight just didn't gel.
It didn't help that I had to take a lot of the tech with me. I managed to streamline things down to two suitcases, a bag and the projector stand between the two of us, but it was still too much. I got a bit stressed during the set-up and didn't settle out of that mindset. There were a decent number of people in - far more than I'd expected - but everyone was sat too far from the front, which added to the sense of detachment, and I felt like I was fighting for attention. I also wasn't happy with how things sounded, but didn't have time to do anything about it. This added to the sense of a lack of impact and rhythm which may have been more in my head than anything, but it meant I didn't enjoy it.
It's annoying when things don't land as you'd like, as you start to doubt everything. There's no time to take a deep breath and reset. There's nothing worse than playing to what feels like a tired, slightly disinterested audience and trying your hardest to win them over. That said, maybe I'm imagining this, as my wife told it was getting a good response; maybe we were both at different gigs. I don't know; it's a mystery.