Tuesday, 12 April 2016

Fatigued(avid).

I've been exceptionally tired today; so much so that I didn't get much done.

I caught the bus to Stotfold this morning to walk my mum’s dog; a visit that was well-timed, as my mum has injured her foot, making it hard to do it herself. It was nice to see Barley and to catch up with my mum, having not seen her properly for a few weeks. By the time I'd taken Barley around the block and caught the bus back to Hitchin, it was 1:30pm. I walked to the library to renew a book, then headed to the office to do some writing.  

I settled down to look at some new material for tomorrow’s gig, but couldn't keep focused. This was annoying, as I hate wasting time. I know I’m entitled to a break after Bath, but I'm not very good at allowing myself this. I'm seldom satisfied with what I've done, and woke up today feeling frustrated about the lack of audience I had over the weekend, and the unlikelihood of a review or anything else positive coming from it.

I know I'm being pessimistic, as the show went well, despite having no performance on Saturday. I was surprised by how cohesive it felt at such an early stage. I just find it hard to shake the feeling of an uphill struggle I always seem to be presented with; it would have been nice if more people had come to watch it, so I felt more secure about the reaction and less like I'd wasted my time and money; it wasn't cheap to go there and pay for the flyers and accommodation as well. It's a knock to your morale when no-one comes to see you.

I'm sure I’ll feel better when I'm a little less tired, though my exhaustion isn't likely to abate quite yet, as I have a lot on over the next few days; I hope I haven't overloaded myself.

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