Monday, 8 February 2016

University Challenged: Volume Seven (08.02.16)

While I’m generally pretty mild-mannered and pleasant, this all goes out of the metaphorical window most Monday evenings at 8:00pm. From then until 8:30pm, I can be found skulking about on Twitter, being all Internet troll-like about that week’s University Challenge contestants.

Today was no different. See below for this week’s 140-characters-or-fewer nastiness. I’m a nice person, really, when you get to know me.

8:01pm: Jeremy Paxman: so weary.

8:02pm: "Hi I'm Kirkman, and I've subsumed David Mitchell's voice.”

8:06pm: "Hi, I'm Wainwright, and used to be chased around abandoned houses by bandaged mummies, with a dog called Scooby-Doo".

8:07pm: No, not "Kant" in that jacket, Bennett. 'C*nt".

8:08pm: Wainwright's lightbox is giving him a suntan.

8:09pm: If you listen very carefully, you can hear Wainwright's hair grow.

8:12pm: I'd like to gently run my fingers down the length of Bennett's lapels.

8:14pm: Kirkman's beard is made of iron filings that cling to his face as a result of sucking a magnet.

8:16pm: Newcastle's Richardson is everybody's dad.

8:19pm: There's no softer substance in the Universe than Wainwright's post-washed hair.

8:21pm: When asked politely, Liverpool's Bennett will pass you the wine list.

8:22pm: Rub a balloon against your jumper and hold it above Wainwright's hair to pick him up.

8:22pm: Liverpool's Bennett has the face of an evil baby.

8:24pm: After the recording, Jeremy Paxman offered Newcastle's Bennett a lift back to her hotel in his Jag.

8:25pm: Liverpool's Wainwright is the son of Rod Hull.

8:26pm: You wouldn't see Liverpool's Bennett walking through Toxteth in that jacket.

8:27pm: Newcastle's Bennett looks like she should be operating a marionette.

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