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'GBBO 2017: Week Two' (05.09.17)


Tonight’s Bake Off played right into my corner by being biscuit week.

I am a biscuit fanatic, who’s been known to devour whole packets in a single day, working on the assumption that if no-one sees me do this, it didn’t happen; tell that to my expanding waistline.

Inevitably, there were many biscuit-based wonders to marvel at this week, most notably of all Steven’s exceptional fully-functioning chess board. The fortune cookie round was a little unfair in my opinion, but what do I know?: I don't make biscuits, I just eat them.

See below for tonight’s Twitter ramblings; reading it will kill a few minutes.

8:03PM: I bet, like Alan Partridge, Paul has Castrol GTX on the back of his jacket.

8:06PM: Week Two in the Bake Off Tent and Flo's dentures still haven't settled.

8:08PM: I'll give you an adult-only filling.

8:10PM: I liked the insincerity of Stacey's son's, "I love you: bye".

8:11PM: A lot of double entendres are being missed in Mel & Sue's absence.

8:12PM: "Watch them like a hawk". Like how a hawk watches a biscuit.

8:14PM: As a tribute to Paul and Prue's first task this week, I'm eating 24 biscuits.

8:15PM: They should have called this the Jack Bauer Challenge.

8:22PM: I wonder if Chris optimistically bought ten shirts - one for each episode - in advance.

8:23PM: Does Paul Hollywood give this many notes post-coitus?

8:24PM: Mary Berry, watching this at home, pissed.

8:27PM: Please, someone make a Wheel of Fortune Cookie.

8:29PM: Channel 4's spent-a-fortune cookie.

8:33PM: ...Flo and Steven to co-host the most sibilant TV special ever.

8:43PM: Me, watching the Bake Off (left).

8:44PM: Someone make an edible Ouija board.

8:45PM: Someone do Hungry Hungry Hippos.

8:47PM: ...or pasta KerPlunk.

8:49PM: Chris is making an edible This Morning map.

8:50PM: ...I'd still be working out how to switch on the oven.

8:52PM: So much swearing going on in my house.

9:02PM: I just swallowed the little dog from Monopoly. Send help.

9:04PM: Steven's is beautiful.

9:14PM: So, that'll be eight new shirts unused then.

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