Saturday, 9 September 2017

Strictly Come Tweeting 2017: Week One (09.09.17)


While I enjoyed tonight's Strictly Come Dancing launch show, it was always going to be overshadowed by the recent, sad passing of Bruce Forsyth for me.

News of his death genuinely upset me; such is my respect for him as a performer. I’ve already written about this subject here more than once, but it’s worth reiterating how extraordinary he was, and how he was the absolute picture of versatility. His early involvement in Strictly helped give the show kudos, thanks to his wealth of experience both as a dancer and a host of prime-time TV; he was the King of Saturday Night Entertainment and that’s a title he'll never lose, as no-one could ever rival him, or even want to.

As is always my way, I tweeted along with the show (like a mouth-breathing teenager with their smart-phone super-glued to their sweaty mitts). See below for what went from my brain to my fingers to the Internet; but was it worth it?

7:01PM: Apologies to anyone who isn't that way inclined, but I'll be tweeting about Strictly for a bit; normal services will be resumed shortly.

7:04PM: Cue the on-beat handclaps, it's the first Strictly Come Dancing opening sequence of the year.

7:08PM: Well, Bruno's as understated as ever.

7:09PM: Anton du Buerk's fivehead.

7:10PM: I still can't cope with the passing of Brucie; LEGEND.

7:10PM: "Country legend, Shania Twain"; you can do that joke in your head.

7:11PM: Shirley Ballast.

7:14PM: After her visit to Hitchin #MostlyComedy a few years ago, @glyndoggett and I can confirm @thedebbiemcgee really, really is lovely.

7:18PM: Ruth Lang(s)ford, not to be confused with Bonnie.

7:21PM: (All the female celebs' inner-monolgues) "Don't give me Anton; PLEASE, not Anton".

7:23PM: Tess Daly, filed under 'insincerity'.

7:25PM: Chizzy's like a female Bruno.

7:28PM: Anton's hair tint has the air of a Heather Mills-era McCartney.

7:31PM: Bruno's castration would be the world's gain.

7:34PM: For anyone who's interested, I'm watching tonight's #Strictly in hotpants.

7:36PM: Is it me, or did the floor have a shade of X-Factor to it then?

7:37PM: Ah. "Banter."

7:37PM: Sales of JLS condoms will go through the roof.

7:41PM: I think my dad drove an Aston Merrygold in the 1980s.

7:43PM: Tess is part-Vulcan.

7:44PM: Davood's my name in past tense.

7:46PM: But where's the H on Simon Rimmer's head?

7:48PM: Aston's facial hair confuses me.

7:49PM: Tess is the dictionary definition of phoning it in.

7:50PM: I don't believe that banjo's mic-ed or plugged in (and neither is Shania).

7:52PM: Fings Twain't Wot they Used to Be.

7:52PM: ...and the prize for least-enthused miming of all time goes to...

7:56PM: I forgot about Ore's identical-to-Karen-Clifton wife.

8:00PM: Bruce Forsyth: LEGEND.

8:05PM: Forsyth was the definition of an all-rounder: anything you'd throw at him, he could do it. He could even insult with a sparkle.

8:09PM: Please: don't sing Hallelujah.

8:11PM: Christ, I hope having a Good Morning Britain presenter on the show won't mean we'll ever see Piers Morgan in the audience.

8:13PM: A year has passed and AJ still hasn't been born yet.

8:14PM: Susan's right: everyone loves Kevin.

8:18PM: AJ, the Glint in the Milkman's Eye.

8:18PM: Rita Ora was my favourite 1980s kids' drink.

8:21PM: I'm in the midst of a 'boiling my arse off and would love to take my jumper off, but I can't because there's a cat on my lap' predicament.

8:23PM: Mollie King's a lot posher than I'd anticipated.

8:28PM: Surely "Good game, good game-face", Tess.

8:30PM: Oti's legs rival the A1 for distance.

8:32PM: I think Brian Conley will be trouble (which will be great).

8:35PM: There's a Footloose joke I'm considering making right now...but I really, really won't.

8:37PM: I like to imagine Claudia's always sucking a very sour sweet.

8:38PM: Oh Bruce.

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