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'GBBO 2017: Week Three (12.09.17)'


Week Three of the Bake Off and - judging from my blog - it’s clearly the time of year when I’m most likely to be found live-tweeting along with some TV competition or other.

The theme for tonight’s show was bread, which inevitably led to Paul Hollywood ruling the roost, what with it being his forte. Perhaps surprisingly, he seemed in a particularly good mood and wasn’t particularly scathing of anything; he even went so far as to trade places with Steven, gleefully threatening to go home after being faced with his immaculate baked handbag (a sentence I never thought I’d write).

See below for my Bread Week twitter commentary (or elsewhere if you’re not interested):

8:01PM: Three minutes in and Stacey's fingering dough; I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this.

8:02PM: James: "I'm not a great one for Bread Week"; has he done this before?

8:05PM: Liam, snorting cinnamon on prime-time television; this is as bad as that Bacon feller on Blue Peter's druggy past.

8:06PM: No-one wants to be a "trainee" stuntwoman; I use that as an excuse when I fall over.

8:08PM: I love Yan's way a bit.

8:09PM: Noel's hair tonight's a bit Farrah Fawcett.

8:10PM: Tom, swimming in a loch, like your average Scottish person.

8:11PM: Flo's false teeth get bigger with each progressive week.

8:12PM: What with Paul, Flo and Kate, this year's series should be called the Great British Scouse Off.

8:18PM: I like 'em big and flat too, Prue.

8:22PM: I'm starting to wonder if Prue's as much of an alkie as Mary.

8:24PM: "How do you make a cottage loaf?" INSERT YOUR OWN PUNCHLINE HERE.

8:24PM: I hope someone makes a lion.

8:25PM: I'd like to watch Paul Hollywood drive his finger down through...etc.

8:28PM: Watching Stacey pushing her fingers into the dough made my buttocks clench.

8:41PM: If I were taking part, I'd slam a loaf of Warburton's on the table, give Paul & Prue two fingers & force my way through the tent wall.

8:48PM: I like to wear a bread hat (with a butter shirt and jam trousers).

8:50PM: I do like a phallic bread snail.

9:01PM: Steven's rocked the signature bake two weeks' running.

9:03PM: Can something taste tasteless?

9:04PM: Tom's centrepiece is BRILLIANT.

9:04PM: Julia's snail makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

9:07PM: Tonight's Bake Off has seen the birth of a whole new fetish: bread porn.

9:10PM: Julia's snail was sponsored by Ron Jeremy.
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