'University Challenged 2017/18: Volume Four (14.08.17)'


I was disappointed to discover I missed last week’s episode of University Challenge when they broadcast it a day early to make way for coverage of the IAAF World Championships (because apparently watching the likes of Usain Bolt and Katarina Johnson-Thompson compete at an international level takes precedence over seeing eight hyper-intelligent yet self-conscious students preen as they express their knowledge to a tetchy ex-Newsnight host.

Having messed up last time, there was no chance I’d make the same mistake again; it's hard enough to get through an average week without my UC fix, let alone when I need a little light relief from my current run on the Edinburgh Fringe. So it was that I settled in front of my temporary TV in my adopted front room for a good old-fashioned bout of Twitter mockery; I'm clearly just jealous.

St Edmund's Cambridge Vs. Magdalen Oxford (14.08.17)

8:02PM: I suspect St Thomas Cambridge's team might win tonight, though like Knight-Williams, I may be sticking my neck out.

8:03PM: Gibson's been on the coffee (and speed).

8:04PM: Gibson splits his spare time between practising mime and being a Bond villain.

8:05PM: I'd hate to speak too soon, but Gibson may be a contender for the position of this year's Monkman.

8:07PM: Gibson is secretly a head on a broomstick being wiggled about inside a fake polo-necked body.

8:10PM: I may start a petition in favour of St Edmund's Cambridge's Blank as the host of a revamped Blankety Blank.

8:15PM: Motala's Mustard Jumper is favourite for tomorrow's 3:15 at Chepstow.

8:17PM: Gibson gets another cocaine hit by running his tongue over his gums as he answers each question.

8:21PM: Blank: the surname of one tonight's contestants. Blank: the expression on my face after Paxman asks a question.

8:24PM: Stern is 67% chin.

8:25PM: GIBSON'S WIRED, OFF HIS TITS.

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