Skip to main content

Strictly Come Tweeting: Week Eight (12.11.16)


Tonight’s Strictly Come Dancing was another evening of top quality performances, if you managed to blank out Tess Daly’s links.

I sometimes worry my tweets about her are too bullying, but then hear her speak. It’s like listening to an automaton, who somehow manages to be physically close to the action on the dance floor, yet mentally distant. It’s as if she saw a terrible road accident on the way into Elstree that she can’t blank from her mind, or she’s recovering from shellshock. Thank God Claudia Winkleman’s there to raise the standard.

See below for tonight’s Twitter ramblings (unless you’re Tess, when you’d better skip it):

6:58pm: If anyone isn't wearing a poppy on tonight's #Strictly , at any point, I'm kicking off. Even if it falls off mid-dance.

6:59pm: Tess Daly's dress is a mystery to me.

7:05pm: Daisy Lowe and Aljaž danced in front of a VW (a camper van) and Bruno Tonioli (a camper man).

7:06pm: Daisy Lowe has both hair extensions and leg extensions.

7:09pm: It's nice to see the cast of Three Amigos helping Claudia with her terms and conditions.

7:11pm: Tonight, Greg's wearing his waders.

7:12pm: You wouldn't mess with Natalie.

7:15pm: Tess Daly's heard of emotions. She read about them in a book.

7:21pm: My favourite of Judge Rinder and Oksana's routines thus far, which I'm sure you needed to know.

7:24pm: They could replace Tess Daly with a Dictaphone and get the same amount of emotionally detached repetitions.

7:27pm: It's dress-down Saturday for Ore.

7:30pm: I think Ore just made me turn.

7:31pm: I need stop saying "Oh, fuck off" every time Tess speaks.

7:37pm: Ed Balls dancing to Gangnam Style. Donald Trump nearly in the White House. What New World Order is this?

7:37pm: Tonight, Ed Balls has come as Ted from Hi-De-Hi!

7:42pm: I wish they'd stop giving Ed Balls all the comedy numbers and give him a chance to dance.

7:44pm: There's milk in my fridge older than AJ and Claudia.

7:45pm: AJ & Claudia are sweeter than marzipan.

7:54pm: Dave Arch: "So, tonight you're singing I Heard it Through the Grapevine and Gangnam Style." Vocalist: "................right."

7:59pm: Big Spender proved to be a Big Ender.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...