Ouchwash.


I may have just reached the apex of personal dullness when I thought to myself whilst brushing my teeth, “I wonder why Listerine stings?”

I’m not even going to bother to look it up, as if I did, I’d be admitting defeat. It’s not the sort of thing you need to know, unless you work in dental hygiene; if you don’t, it’s better to remain in ignorance as educating yourself suggests you even care about the mechanics: as far as I’m concerned, I’ll make do with “because it’s makes your teeth clean”.

It’s worrying when you realise this is the sort of stuff that crosses your mind. There must have been a point when I’d ponder exciting, magical things, like “What makes the sun so bright?”. Now, I only want to know why my gums tingle when I rinse them with a partly alcohol-based liquid that’s the colour of WKD Blue. Still, at least it stops me drinking it.

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