Skip to main content

GBBO 2016: Volume Two (31.08.16)

Today saw the second instalment of this year's series of the Bake Off, which I watched with the fingers of one hand poised on my mobile's Twitter app, and the other hovering over the biscuit barrel; I like to multi-task.

See below for a round-up of my sweet-treat tweets, thus marking the third day running of Twitter-based blog posts; it seems that after Edinburgh, I can only write in 140-character bursts.

8:01pm: Mel's hood makes her look like Rod Stewart.
8:04pm: The strings underscoring #GBBO are played by the Hollywood, Berry, Perkins and Giedroyc Quartet. 
8:05pm: Val's ice cream anecdote was worthy of Parkinson. 
8:07pm: Tom packing a sausage = FOOD PORN.

12:08pm: Benjamina's not a name.

8:11pm: I like how the colour of Paul Hollywood's beard fades into his shirt.

8:14pm: Paul & Mary's challenge: make 24 identical biscuits. David's challenge: to eat 24 identical biscuits before the end of segment.

8:16pm: The downside to the first few episodes in the current #GBBO series: you don't know which faces you're destined to forget. 
8:18pm: Val's biscuits look like the sort of thing I'd make (which isn't a compliment).

8:19pm: Every shot of Paul Hollywood should come with a wah-wah pedal accompaniment.

8:23pm: Paul's shirt even matches with the tablecloth.

8:24pm: Running your fingers through Paul Hollywood's hair would cut them to shreds.

8:26pm: Rav's piping is reminiscent of me on the toilet.

8:29pm: Who wants to eat a blown-on-by-Val biscuit?

8:32pm: Andrew looks like a ginger Eddie Redmayne.

8:36pm: Selasi could punch you into the New Year.

8:37pm: I'd pay to see a Paul Hollywood / Selasi Stare-off.

8:40pm: In tribute to this wk's gingerbread challenge, I'm baking a frieze of Stevenage Town Centre, complete with clock tower, statue & chav.

8:42pm: My windows are made from boiled sweets too.

8:43pm: I bow to Selasi's coolness and self-control.

8:47pm: This isn't good for my blood pressure.

8:48pm: Candice's pub is excellent.

8:50pm: Val and Louise could sell their gingerbread stories in broken biscuit boxes at Poundstretcher.

8:50pm: I have a problem with finishing too.

8:53pm: I dubbed the crunching sounds in post-production.

8:55pm: Mary will eat a bit of carpet. No comment.

8:55pm: Candice's The King Bill sounds like a censored swear.

8:57pm: Val's eyes have no pupils.

8:58pm: Val rocks a gilet. 
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more