Skip to main content

'University Challenged 2016/17: Volume Five (08.08.16)'


Don’t let the fact I’m taking part in the biggest arts festival in the world make you think I’ve lost sight of my priorities; if there’s an episode of University Challenge airing, I’ll always do my best to live-tweet it.

…and what a cracker it was tonight, with a hairy / bearded man of dubious style and questionable fashion choices on each team. I know I shouldn’t be so unkind when I watch it, but as I’ve said before, this meanness stems entirely from jealousy; if not for the students’ look, then for their obvious intelligence. At their age, I could barely even remember my own name.

Oriel Oxford Vs. Manchester (08.08.16)

7:31pm: Paxman's hair, channeling John Craven.

7:32pm: Tobias? TOBIAS?

7:32pm: "I'm Joseph Bath and I NEED A BATH.”

7:33pm: Siantonas, son of John Cleese's mountain-exploding character in The Holy Grail.

7:34pm: Bath thinks he's in Bon Jovi.

7:34pm: There's no substance more fluffy than Bath's hair.

7:35pm: No-one's ever said Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so sinisterly.

7:35pm: Siantonas? C**t.

7:36pm: Isn't Oriel Oxford a type of biscuit?

7:38pm: Because Siantonas' name wasn't flamboyant enough.

7:38pm: Michael has a pile of corpses in his shed.

7:38pm: Michael likes to see you suffer.

7:40pm: Siantonas is a direct descendent of John Thomson's American scientist in The Fast Show.

7:43pm: Michael's eight favourite films: Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, Saw V, Saw VI, Saw 3D, Saw Legacy.

7:44pm: Scanlon's ironic face.

7:45pm: After the recording, Siantonas and Bath went back to their shared bedsit to listen to prog.

7:47pm: Tobias: future Prime Minister.

7:49pm: Anyone who confuses Bo Diddley with Cole Porter is a menace to society.

7:51pm: Bath's hair, Siantonas' beard, Bath's hair, Siantonas' beard, BATH'S HAIR, SIANTONAS' BEARD.

7:53pm: All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy. All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy.

7:54pm: Siantonas has Jasper from The Simpsons' beard.

7:55pm: Michael just came.

7:55pm: Jeremy Paxman looks like someone's mum.

7:57pm: Michael could do with borrowing Bath's shampoo.
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more