The Coming Apocalypse.

The public's ignorance astounds me. I'm not referring to everyone, though there’s a worryingly sizeable contingent letting the side down for everybody else.

I’ll give you an example. A few years ago, I was walking through town when a girl stopped me to ask for directions. She started by shouting “Oi” from the other side of the road, which didn’t exactly get me on side.

“What’s up?” I replied, tetchily.

“Where’s the station?” Politeness clearly wasn’t her strong point. 

I was just relieved she’d asked me something I knew. I started confidently, unaware that I was about to fall at the first hurdle.

“You head straight down this road until you get to the undertakers."

She looked at me blankly.

“What’s an undertaker?”

I was so surprised by the question that I didn’t know how to respond. I’d never been asked to define a funeral director’s job before, least of all without notice.

Did she know that people die? Had she never considered who deals with the body? If not, she was heading for a rude awakening. I didn’t want to be the one to drop the bombshell. 

Also, how could I give directions to someone with such a narrow field of reference? If she struggled with undertaker, how would she cope with the other landmarks on the way, like the church, the Football Club or off-licence? “Follow the sound of the choo-choo” wouldn’t cut it.

Sometimes, it's best to stay indoors. That way, you don't run into them.