Heckler in Transit.


My genuine response when someone once shouted “Sideburns” at me from a passing car was “You should have seen me a couple of years ago”.

Questioning their time frame was, admittedly, an unusual approach. Few victims offer their tormentor additional fodder. By sharing this I became complicit in their insult. I may as well have been sat in the car too, shouting abuse through the window at myself on the street - and even I couldn’t do that.

It’s unlikely that my barbed comment hit home. It’s hard to think of a witty retort that takes into consideration the speed of sound and the velocity of a passing vehicle. To do this, you'd need to preempt it, which would make you the aggressor. The physics to delivering a zinger are confusing. 

Next time, a simple "Fuck off" will suffice.

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