Skip to main content

Strictly Come Tweeting (24.10.15)

I wasn't planning on tweeting along to tonight's Strictly Come Dancing, until I realised how many double entendres were taking place. It turned out that these were the tip of the iceberg, when Bruno accidentally dropped a bollock (or two) on live television. Suddenly, everything else seemed slight in comparison. It wasn't a heavy duty swear, of course, unless said with malice aforefort, which it certainly wasn't. Still, he should have known better, on a family show - though I seem to remember this wasn't the first time something of this ilk happened; Len Goodman, I'm looking at you.

Here are tonight's ramblings:


6:42pm: My "sausage is close to bursting point", Tess.

6:47pm: Did Darcy just say, "The clubbing seal"?

6:51pm: Pasha: "This dance never stops turning". CANCEL THE REST OF THE TV SCHEDULE.

6:52pm: (Del and Rodney, standing underneath the chandeliers.)

6:54pm: Bruno: "Your arms: just use them correctly". Excellent teaching.

6:56pm: Anton's come as 'The Eighties'.

6:58pm: My Dad would describe Gleb as "a tool".

7:00pm: Let's hear it for the circular rostrum.

7:06pm: Janette Manrararararararararararara (sic).

7:07pm: I like to see things back visually too. Like hearing things hearingly.

7:08pm: Janette's come as Princess Jasmine, Peter's come as...Peter Andre.

7:10pm: YOU have to be juicy at those ends.

7:18pm: YOU pulled it off big-time.

7:23pm: Ainsley had better use some bread rolls as props.

7:29pm: YOU'VE got to get up on your balls more.

7:41pm: In the week, David Cameron has custody of his hair. At the weekend, Anton du Beke gets it.

7:44pm: YOU'RE a little bit sticky in places.

7:50pm: .@theJeremyVine's an Elvis Costello fan. I like him even more.

7:53pm: Go on, Bruno. Fit some more nasty comments into your thirty seconds of feedback.

7:55pm: Jeremy's book was written fifty years ago. Bruno was in the I'm Still Standing video thirty years ago.

8:02pm: Jay McGuiness' resting face (right).


8:08pm: Bruno swears on live TV. The Daily Mail will be FURIOUS.

8:17pm: NEWSFLASH: due to swearing live on air, next week Bruno will be replaced by Toby Anstis
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Not The Bayeux One.

The Carole King album Tapestry has been my 'getting-ready-in-the-morning' soundtrack for the past few weeks.  It's been a favourite album ever since I was a student, which makes for a pleasantly gentle way to usher in the start of a day. I've always been a fan of a well-crafted song, which is something of a Carole King hallmark, ever since she started writing with her first husband in the early Sixties. Tapestry may be an unimaginative choice for a favourite LP, as it suggests I haven't delved that far into her career, but it's still an undoubted classic; anything with '(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman', 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?' and 'You've Got A Friend' on it can't really fail; if nothing else, it proves she likes writing songs with long titles.  Next month, she's set to perform the album live in its entirety for the first time at a gig in Hyde Park, which I would have loved to have gone to, if it weren...
Read more

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

'Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream..."

While I’ve been practising meditation for quite some time now, I’ve recently taken to using the mindfulness app 'Headspace' . If you’ve never meditated before, or you’re an old hand at it, it’s a great resource, offering daily ten-minute guided meditations that create a sense of progress, rather than stagnating and going through the same process every day. Until I started using the app, I’d often listen to a handful of audio guided meditations I have on my phone in case of a brain emergency. If you see me with my eyes closed and my earphones in on public transport, I’m probably doing this (unless I’m sleeping and using this blog as an elaborate alibi). While the tracks on my phone are great, they can get a little repetitive as I become too familiar with them and start to anticipate everything the person on the recording will say. This is where Headspace is great, as it offers you a daily course with a different focus each day, as well as pl...
Read more