"Can't Someone Else Do it?"


Day thirty-one in the Ephgrave household and Recycling Mountain has reached crisis point.

What was once a non-threatening testament to the gluttony of Christmas is now structurally unsound, with no word as to when the bin men will take it away. Contributing to it is like a cross between dry-stone-walling and an outsized game of Jenga: every piece of packaging that’s added must surely be the last, and yet it never is, as there’s always something else to be slotted into a fortuitous gap or carefully balanced at the summit.

It’s daunting to be confronted by how much a two-person, two-budgie and one-cat household can consume in just a week; I don’t know whether to be proud of or depressed by it. On one hand, it feels good to be giving something back to the planet, and yet I can’t help but be reminded of just how much other people will throw away; God forbid anyone should be expected to put in a little effort.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I knew when this bank holiday-induced madness will be over and I’ll be able to dismantle my debris monstrosity and fit it in our communal recycling bin. When the day comes, I’ll be catapulted into a secret Mexican stand-off with the whole estate; move it or lose it, sister.


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