Busted.

An incident on the bus today (which you'll find first below) inspired me to draw together a list of a few intriguing bus-relate moments that have taken place in the coming few weeks (as originally shared on Twitter).
  • Pressing the bell immediately after someone sneezed on the bus made it sound like they were using a spittoon.

  • ON A BUS FULL OF CHILDREN TALKING LIKE THIS.

  • When three people on the bus pressed the bell at exactly the same time today, I expected us to be thrown into another dimension.

  • When I pressed the bell on the bus today, only the last four letters of the 'STOPPING' sign lit up to spell 'PING'.

  • I'm all for happy accidents.

  • There's a man on the bus sniffing like he wants to inhale the whole planet.

  • Overheard Luton Bus Conversation of the Morning:

  • MAN: "Gravestones are expensive, in't they?" 
  • WOMAN: "I don't want a grave though; I'm going to be burnt".

  • Man on bus, talking loudly & confidently on mobile so we're all party to it: your conversation can't be that important; your phone is PINK.

  • I'd like to introduce a blanket ban on people staring at you when you're checking the timetable at a bus stop.

  • The on-board poster asking 'Do You Want to Drive this Bus?' was a bit last-minute.

  • I once saw a kid on the bus on his way home from school, working his way through a whole packet of Pink Wafers - savouring each one - and then washing them down with a family-sized bottle of Coke.

  • That's how I feel after watching #Eurovision tonight.

  • Word on the street at Stevenage Bus Station: "...and there were kids everywhere, all dressed up as Halloween..."

  • Made a grave error by travelling home on the school bus. 48000 children and me; it's like the monkey enclosure at Woburn Safari Park, except the monkeys have stormed the vehicle.

  • A game to play when you're on the bus on your own (as I am at the moment) is to pretend you're in a massive, many-seated stretch limo.

  • Man on the bus with a sneeze that sounds like a police radio.

  • There's a man on the bus, with 'Awesome Dad Since 2007' written on his t-shirt. I hope his kids are eight.

  • Waiting for a bus at Walsworth Crossroads. No blues guitarist. No Devil.

  • The chavs on the bus go round and round, ALL DAY LONG.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce
Read more

Hoo-ray and up She Rises.

So much has happened since my last post in March that this blog risks sounding like an itinerary. The main news is that Hitchin Mostly Comedy will return in the summer at a new venue, the Queen Mother Theatre . The road to this decision was convoluted, though enough fell into place en route to leave me optimistic about this new start. The catalyst was a survey I ran via our mailing list a few months back, in which I asked, "If the club returned in the current climate, with tickets still around £15 (and with similar line-ups), would you still attend?"; the response to which, in simple terms, was a resounding yes. Nearly 250 mailing list subscribers responded in a single week, with around a hundred also taking the option to leave some feedback. And only two people were abusive, which counts as a win when you consider they posted their comments online anonymously. Imagine how many more insults we would have received if the comedy club was a woman. Particularly if she was Diane
Read more