University Challenged: Volume Twenty-Nine (03.04.17)


This morning, I made a (Eph)grave miscalculation, when I woke up thinking the day would end with a Monkman.

I even went so far as to tag some of his bigger fans within my friendship group on Facebook to the effect that today would end with a Monkman. I also Tweeted about the day ending with a Monkman, before suddenly losing faith. ‘Hang on a minute,’ I thought. ‘What if the day doesn’t end with a Monkman? What if he isn't back until next week?’

I checked my sources and lo and behold, I’d got it wrong: today wasn’t set to end with a Monkman at all; not for me and not for the wider general public. The only people to be treated to a Monkman at the end of the day were those who live with him; the rest of us mere mortals have to wait until the final next Monday. Rest assured though: next Monday is Monkmonday. I can’t wait.

See below for tonight’s University Challenge Tweets:

Edinburgh Vs. Balliol - Oxford (03.04.17)

8:03pm: Boyle thinks bass, acts bass, plays bass, IS bass.

8:05pm: Potts has come dressed in Ena Sharples' 70s-era Coronation Street wallpaper.

8:07pm: Imagine Goldman singing a lullabye in those dulcet tones. Hushabye Mountain, perhaps? YOU'D NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.

8:09pm: Surely Potts isn't allowed to wear that bearskin hat in the studi...oh, sorry...nothing.

8:10pm: Go on, Goldman: smile when you get an answer right. Just the once. Show some heart. Please? I'm frightened.

8:12pm: Boyle is Noel Edmonds left to the elements.

8:12pm: Goldman, twinned with smug, cold, smug, cold and heartless.

8:14pm: Baliol's Pope is Goldman after taking a year out to go travelling.

8:16pm: This week's #UniversityChallenge is the calm before the Monkman storm.

8:17pm: Boyle has the bass part for Pink Floyd's Money playing in his head on loop.

8:18pm: Dale would be a great interpretive mime.

8:19pm: Boyle is Paul Nicholas, having let himself go.

8:20pm: Potts gets younger the longer you look.

8:22pm: Pope & Boyle share a cheeky joint around the back of the studio, post-recording. Paxo catches them & takes a blowback.

8:25pm: Smith's a punky Proclaimer.

8:26pm: Smith's 'disgusted-cos-he-got-the-answer-right' face.

8:28pm: MONKMAN WOULD WIPE THE FLOOR OF EVERYONE IN THE STUDIO (with the possible exception of the impervious Goldman).

8:29pm: Smith takes a sip of water every time he gets an answer right; proof it pays to be well-hydrated.

8:36pm: Seven sleeps til Monkman.

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