Skip to main content

University Challenged: Volume Twenty-Nine (03.04.17)


This morning, I made a (Eph)grave miscalculation, when I woke up thinking the day would end with a Monkman.

I even went so far as to tag some of his bigger fans within my friendship group on Facebook to the effect that today would end with a Monkman. I also Tweeted about the day ending with a Monkman, before suddenly losing faith. ‘Hang on a minute,’ I thought. ‘What if the day doesn’t end with a Monkman? What if he isn't back until next week?’

I checked my sources and lo and behold, I’d got it wrong: today wasn’t set to end with a Monkman at all; not for me and not for the wider general public. The only people to be treated to a Monkman at the end of the day were those who live with him; the rest of us mere mortals have to wait until the final next Monday. Rest assured though: next Monday is Monkmonday. I can’t wait.

See below for tonight’s University Challenge Tweets:

Edinburgh Vs. Balliol - Oxford (03.04.17)

8:03pm: Boyle thinks bass, acts bass, plays bass, IS bass.

8:05pm: Potts has come dressed in Ena Sharples' 70s-era Coronation Street wallpaper.

8:07pm: Imagine Goldman singing a lullabye in those dulcet tones. Hushabye Mountain, perhaps? YOU'D NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.

8:09pm: Surely Potts isn't allowed to wear that bearskin hat in the studi...oh, sorry...nothing.

8:10pm: Go on, Goldman: smile when you get an answer right. Just the once. Show some heart. Please? I'm frightened.

8:12pm: Boyle is Noel Edmonds left to the elements.

8:12pm: Goldman, twinned with smug, cold, smug, cold and heartless.

8:14pm: Baliol's Pope is Goldman after taking a year out to go travelling.

8:16pm: This week's #UniversityChallenge is the calm before the Monkman storm.

8:17pm: Boyle has the bass part for Pink Floyd's Money playing in his head on loop.

8:18pm: Dale would be a great interpretive mime.

8:19pm: Boyle is Paul Nicholas, having let himself go.

8:20pm: Potts gets younger the longer you look.

8:22pm: Pope & Boyle share a cheeky joint around the back of the studio, post-recording. Paxo catches them & takes a blowback.

8:25pm: Smith's a punky Proclaimer.

8:26pm: Smith's 'disgusted-cos-he-got-the-answer-right' face.

8:28pm: MONKMAN WOULD WIPE THE FLOOR OF EVERYONE IN THE STUDIO (with the possible exception of the impervious Goldman).

8:29pm: Smith takes a sip of water every time he gets an answer right; proof it pays to be well-hydrated.

8:36pm: Seven sleeps til Monkman.
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...
Read more