Strictly Come Tweeting (19.12.15)

Tonight saw the final Strictly Come Dancing show of 2015 – and therefore, my final evening of tweet after tweet after tweet about it.

See below for the whole shebang. I wasn’t happy with tonight's result, but what do I know about it?

6:34pm: I'm likely to tweet about #Strictly tonight. Apologies to the uninterested. Could be worse. I could be doing the dancing.

6:38pm: Katie Derham's face.

6:38pm: This happens every day at Elstree.

6:40pm: In a lock-up somewhere in Elstree, there's one of those big banners with "Daniel" written on it.

6:42pm: Katie Derham's husband's novelty suit is almost as annoying as Katie Derham.

6:44pm: Bruno said "bollocks". Tess Daly said "breast". What's the BBC coming to? @DailyMailUK

6:46pm: The Jay McGuinness School of Emotion.

6:47pm: I noticed the different My Generation bass solo, #Strictly band bassist. I noticed it.

6:50pm: Jay McGuinness' style icon.

6:51pm: Tess Daly's comfy comfy belt.

6:53pm: Why not have Paul Hollywood take over Alan Dedicoat's voice-overs?

6:57pm: Giovanni could have done his bow tie up. BBC cutbacks? @DailyMailUK

6:59pm: ...meanwhile, Craig's beard is coming along nicely.

7:01pm: 9999. My PIN.

7:05pm: Either Bruno should be wearing Kevin's tie, or Kevin should be wearing Bruno's jacket.

7:15pm: I don't normally say this, but I really enjoyed Anton's performance in that.

7:22pm: Jay & Aliona: so much sex going on there.

7:23pm: Jay did the upside down, spinny, hangy bit to stimulate hair growth.

7:24pm: I'm not really sure what was happening just then.

7:30pm: Imagine how good it would have been with Helen in the final. Just sayin'.

7:31pm: SHE'S GOING TO DANCE BLINDFOLDED? SH*T.

7:33pm: Top marks for the song edit on Fix You, Dave Arch. Top marks.

7:35pm: Lovely storytelling in Georgia & Giovanni's showdance.

7:41pm: Kellie & Kevin's showdance: bloody, bloody, bloody good.

7:44pm: I'd like to watch Kellie & Kevin's showdance again IMMEDIATELY.

7:54pm: Look, ITV: Lenny Henry's there. Oh, sorry. It's Ainsley. SORRY.

7:57pm: Who's got a mantelpiece big enough for the glitterball trophy, anyway?

9:12pm: "He's got the biggest heart in the world". One of the most overlooked health issues in the country.

9:14pm: Let's hear it one more time for Jay McGuinness.

9:20pm: "You burst my heart". One of the most overlooked health issues in the country.

9:20pm: (Monobrow.)

9:23pm: Tens all round for Georgia's last dance, I reckon. Great performance.

9:29pm: If either Kellie of Georgia win, I'll be happy. (If Kellie wins, I'll be ecstatic.)

9:30pm: Danny Dyer: unconvincing as himself.

9:47pm: "Only you can set my arse on fire". Unbelievable lyrics, Ellie Goulding. Unbelievable.

9:50pm: Don't forget the studio where #Strictly's filmed is where Jack Nicholson types 'All work & no play makes Jack a dull boy' in The Shining.

10:05pm: Oh. BOLLOCKS.

10:06pm: (Jay and Aliona's people have just booked them a hotel room.)

10:07pm: Glitterball Trophy: channelling Blue Peter.

10:09pm: ...it's like when the Tories got in, all over again (not an endorsement).

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

"Speaking Words of Wisdom, Let it Shine."

Tonight saw the second instalment of BBC1’s latest advertise-a-musical-for-months-and-then-cast-it-with-performers-too-inexperienced-to-do-it-a-thon ‘Let it S̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ Shine’ (or as I call it: ‘REAL AUDITIONS ARE NOTHING LIKE THIS’). I didn’t watch it (clearly), but being reminded of how angry seeing just five minutes of it made me last week caused me to mull over what I would call a musical based on the band’s songbook, if I was responsible for it. Here are a my suggestions: IDEAS FOR TITLE OF A TAKE THAT MUSICAL: Barlow! Dirty Fat-Dancing Orange! A Million Love-changes-everything Songs Owen! Howard's End Pray Misérables Mamma Marka! Babe (with a pig as the lead) …BUT MY FAVOURITE HAS TO BE: Jason & His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. "It was Orange, Orange, Orange, Orange..." (TAKE) THAT’S ENOUGH OF (TAKE) THAT.

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...

mostly david ephgrave

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