"Can You Hear Me At The Back?"


Frustratingly, I appear to be losing my voice.

This is down to a rapidly advancing cold, which can’t be helped, but the timing isn’t good. I was supposed to be going to a family member’s hospital appointment tomorrow, but have cancelled this, as I didn’t want to give anyone my lurgy, plus we’re meant to be recording the next episode of In Your Inner Ear in the evening. I then have gigs on Thursday and Friday for which being able to speak would be a bonus, as I’m not a physical comedian. Commedia dell'arte was never my forte.

(Historical theatre reference.)

This afternoon and evening I met with two friends, both of whom I was concerned I might pass on my disease to. Hopefully, I managed to keep sufficiently clear to avoid contamination. I met the second of the two at a pub that was noisy enough to bang the final nail into the coffin of my voice-box – and while I didn’t drink (save a medicinal glass of mulled wine), the environment still did sufficient damage. I came home feeling like I’d been gargling razorblades (you know that gargling razorblade feeling?), but a couple of honey-laced redbush teas seem to have done a little repair work.

It may sound precious to be so protective of your voice, but in my job it’s essential to have as much command of it as possible. I’ve only near-to-completely lost it on two occasions: once, when on tour with the Buddy show, and once when up at the Edinburgh Fringe. Both were a nightmare, as I couldn’t do anything properly. I still have memories of the performance of Buddy, in Stirling, when the state of my voice became evident. I didn’t have an understudy, so had to soldier through the show, sounding more like a latter-day Bob Dylan by the minute. It was awful; so much so, that I saw people walking out, and heard talk afterwards (which was ironic) of refunds. It wasn’t good for the ego. By the time I had a note from a doctor saying it was just a throat infection, it was too late. I think I'll invest in a Stephen Hawking-style voice synthesiser in case of similar future situations.  

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