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Strictly Come Tweeting (05.12.15)


The theme for this week’s Strictly Come Dancing was ‘musicals’: a match made in Heaven or Hell, depending on (1) the marriage between the style of the show in question and the style of the dance, and (2) whether you can stomach musical theatre in the first place (something I can never quite decide myself).

See below for tonight’s unnecessary 140-character ranting (with customary Jay / Homer face).

7:02pm: #Strictly opening sequence: has someone died?

7:04pm: Three years of ill-advised training in Musical Theatre are now flashing before my eyes.

7:06pm: Tess doesn't do sincerity.

7:07pm: Judges' entrances: forever awkward.

7:10pm: If Angela Lansbury doesn't sing for Georgia and Giovanni, I'm rescinding my TV Licence.

7:11pm: Actors dressed as teapots: a high-class form of streaking.

7:12pm: No Lansbury. Livid.

7:18pm: If you want to know what Tess Daly opening a Xmas present she doesn't want, yet trying to hide it would be like, watch her host #Strictly.

7:19pm (on Anita and Gleb’s Cellblock Tango): It's sexy zoo time.

7:20pm: "Pop, Six, Squish, Uh uh, Cicero, LipSHITS." Heh Heh.

7:22pm: It's time for Bruno's injection.

7:23pm: One week, Bruno swears on live TV, the next, he knocks his biro on the floor. Maverick.

7:24pm: Gleb's washed his shirt so many times, it's gone see-through.

7:25pm: Gleb's see-through pockets aren't very security-conscious.

7:29pm: How to change Oom-Pah-Pah's time signature from 3/4 to 4/4 in one easy step: "Oom-Pah-Pah-Pah".

7:33pm: Kellie's safe. Perfect marriage of choreography and characterisation, with a slight nod to the Queen Vic.

7:34pm: My, the Artful Dodger's grown.

7:36pm: "You've got a bit of chocolate mousse on your face, Alan / Claudia."

7:36pm: Ronan Keating is essentially a singing Sean Connery.

7:37pm: Homer dances Once.



7:39pm: Ronan Keating can sod the sod off.

7:42pm: Jay's no Anne Widdecombe.

7:48pm: First Anita, then Janette and now Katie: that wig's getting a lot of use.

7:51pm: Anton du Beke has Alan Partridge's hair on loan.

7:57pm: Where was the famous Les Mis box-step, damn it?

7:59pm: Would have loved to see Jeremy Vine's Engineer from Miss Saigon.
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