Strictly Come Tweeting (05.12.15)


The theme for this week’s Strictly Come Dancing was ‘musicals’: a match made in Heaven or Hell, depending on (1) the marriage between the style of the show in question and the style of the dance, and (2) whether you can stomach musical theatre in the first place (something I can never quite decide myself).

See below for tonight’s unnecessary 140-character ranting (with customary Jay / Homer face).

7:02pm: #Strictly opening sequence: has someone died?

7:04pm: Three years of ill-advised training in Musical Theatre are now flashing before my eyes.

7:06pm: Tess doesn't do sincerity.

7:07pm: Judges' entrances: forever awkward.

7:10pm: If Angela Lansbury doesn't sing for Georgia and Giovanni, I'm rescinding my TV Licence.

7:11pm: Actors dressed as teapots: a high-class form of streaking.

7:12pm: No Lansbury. Livid.

7:18pm: If you want to know what Tess Daly opening a Xmas present she doesn't want, yet trying to hide it would be like, watch her host #Strictly.

7:19pm (on Anita and Gleb’s Cellblock Tango): It's sexy zoo time.

7:20pm: "Pop, Six, Squish, Uh uh, Cicero, LipSHITS." Heh Heh.

7:22pm: It's time for Bruno's injection.

7:23pm: One week, Bruno swears on live TV, the next, he knocks his biro on the floor. Maverick.

7:24pm: Gleb's washed his shirt so many times, it's gone see-through.

7:25pm: Gleb's see-through pockets aren't very security-conscious.

7:29pm: How to change Oom-Pah-Pah's time signature from 3/4 to 4/4 in one easy step: "Oom-Pah-Pah-Pah".

7:33pm: Kellie's safe. Perfect marriage of choreography and characterisation, with a slight nod to the Queen Vic.

7:34pm: My, the Artful Dodger's grown.

7:36pm: "You've got a bit of chocolate mousse on your face, Alan / Claudia."

7:36pm: Ronan Keating is essentially a singing Sean Connery.

7:37pm: Homer dances Once.



7:39pm: Ronan Keating can sod the sod off.

7:42pm: Jay's no Anne Widdecombe.

7:48pm: First Anita, then Janette and now Katie: that wig's getting a lot of use.

7:51pm: Anton du Beke has Alan Partridge's hair on loan.

7:57pm: Where was the famous Les Mis box-step, damn it?

7:59pm: Would have loved to see Jeremy Vine's Engineer from Miss Saigon.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...
Read more