The song about Mummy taking us to the zoo tomorrow was grossly inaccurate; I went today, and my mum, bless her, was nowhere to be seen.
I wasn't bitter about her absence. She’s taken me to the zoo before. The last time was in the late Eighties, with my dad and my junior school friend Mark Smith in tow. The highlight was when a squirrel leapt onto Mark's leg and wouldn't let go; it was very amusing.
(I lost contact with Mark soon afterwards. For all I know, it may still be attached.)
The zoo I visited today was that there London one. You may have heard of it; it's quite famous. It even features in Bram Stoker's Dracula, don’t cha know.
(Who's called Bram? Also, why was he so possessive over his blood-sucking creation?)
Inspired by today's trip, I thought I'd share some animal-based trivia. It’s been meticulously researched. Are we sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin:
- The difference between a crocodile and an alligator is one of them is a crocodile.
- The difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant is one of them lives in Africa.
- The antelope doesn't exist.
- Monkeys are just hairy people.
- The emperor penguin isn't.
- Zebras wear them for extra support.
- A tigress doesn't digress.
- It would take just six leaf-cutter ants to safely lift the Cutty Sark; eight to move HMS Belfast.
- A camel's hump is 90% gammon.
That's enough trivia for now. Before I sign off, I thought I'd share something I discovered today to my cost:
ZSL London is not a heavy-petting zoo.