Give a Man a Soapbox.

You may have missed it, but a General Election took place yesterday. Theresa May may have wished she'd missed it, at least.

I didn’t stay up to watch the coverage as I was meant to be gigging tonight, but I have to admit my first thought on checking the BBC News website when I woke up to see a photo of May’s disappointed-looking face below a headline about near-certainty of a hung parliament was, “Good.”

It’s what she deserved for attempting to pick the moment she thought the Tories were invincible compared to Corbyn to call an election solely for her party's political gain, and screw the imminence of the Brexit negotiations. What does it matter that we only have two years to work through an intricate administrative process that's surely destined to take longer? Why not throw in a snap election before, to eat into the precious time needed and create a chaotic fallout?

Like much of the country, I turned to Twitter to voice my uneducated two pennies’ worth. See below for much of what was said (including a few digs at my home-town's new Tory MP who was listed on the ballot paper with a Kettering address).

 

Thursday 9th July 2017:

9:37AM: Remember the line Jimmy Nail kept repeating in his 1992 chart-topping single 'Ain't No Doubt'? THAT.

6:30PM: I hope to God that Trump doesn't get in.

8:50PM: What a lovely evening it is for NOT VOTING TORY.

11:49PM: My biggest issue with BBC News #GeneralElection exit poll:

•Why does Theresa May look like a zombie Grayson Perry? 

• Why is Corbyn so camp? 

Friday 10th July 2017:

7:39AM: Well that backfired, Theresa.

7:45AM: Maybe the result would have been different if Theresa had one of those magic money trees she kept mentioning on Question Time.

8:40AM: Strong and stable / wrong and feeble.

8:48AM: When will we have a referendum on Andrew Neil's hair?

8:56AM: If we have another election, I think the BBC News team should stay awake until then.

9:02AM: Looking forward to the formation of the new constituency: Hitchin, Harpenden and Kettering.

9:09AM: Perhaps what Theresa May wanted was a man date.

9:12AM: "Ich nichten lichten..."

9:32AM: The theme tune for the BBC's election coverage seems to be channelling 'Yes Minister'.

9:49AM: Theresa Maybeoffthen.

10:11AM: If Lord Flashheart was a party leader we'd have a well-hung parliament. #woof

11:55AM: Paul Nuttall did nut-all.

12:09PM: TIM FARRON: "No deal is better than a bad deal". Kind of doesn't make sense, yet SMACK!

12:22PM: I suspect Theresa May bought the deep Tory-blue outfit she's wearing for her meeting with the Queen as her celebration suit.

12:58PM: Theresa May's statement: what a load of arse. All that's certain is uncertainty.

12:58PM: Forgive my potty mouth, but for fuck's sake: 

4:10PM: If Hitchin must have an MP from Kettering, can we swap @BimAfolami for @JamesAcaster? At least I can vouch for the fact he's been here.