Give a Man a Soapbox.

You may have missed it, but a General Election took place yesterday. Theresa May may have wished she'd missed it, at least.

I didn’t stay up to watch the coverage as I was meant to be gigging tonight, but I have to admit my first thought on checking the BBC News website when I woke up to see a photo of May’s disappointed-looking face below a headline about near-certainty of a hung parliament was, “Good.”

It’s what she deserved for attempting to pick the moment she thought the Tories were invincible compared to Corbyn to call an election solely for her party's political gain, and screw the imminence of the Brexit negotiations. What does it matter that we only have two years to work through an intricate administrative process that's surely destined to take longer? Why not throw in a snap election before, to eat into the precious time needed and create a chaotic fallout?

Like much of the country, I turned to Twitter to voice my uneducated two pennies’ worth. See below for much of what was said (including a few digs at my home-town's new Tory MP who was listed on the ballot paper with a Kettering address).

Thursday 9th July 2017:

9:37AM: Remember the line Jimmy Nail kept repeating in his 1992 chart-topping single 'Ain't No Doubt'? THAT.

6:30PM: I hope to God that Trump doesn't get in.

8:50PM: What a lovely evening it is for NOT VOTING TORY.

11:49PM: My biggest issue with BBC News #GeneralElection exit poll:

•Why does Theresa May look like a zombie Grayson Perry?

• Why is Corbyn so camp?

Friday 10th July 2017:

7:39AM: Well that backfired, Theresa.

7:45AM: Maybe the result would have been different if Theresa had one of those magic money trees she kept mentioning on Question Time.

8:40AM: Strong and stable / wrong and feeble.

8:48AM: When will we have a referendum on Andrew Neil's hair?

8:56AM: If we have another election, I think the BBC News team should stay awake until then.

9:02AM: Looking forward to the formation of the new constituency: Hitchin, Harpenden and Kettering.

9:09AM: Perhaps what Theresa May wanted was a man date.

9:12AM: "Ich nichten lichten..."

9:32AM: The theme tune for the BBC's election coverage seems to be channelling 'Yes Minister'.

9:49AM: Theresa Maybeoffthen.

10:11AM: If Lord Flashheart was a party leader we'd have a well-hung parliament. #woof

11:55AM: Paul Nuttall did nut-all.

12:09PM: TIM FARRON: "No deal is better than a bad deal". Kind of doesn't make sense, yet SMACK!

12:22PM: I suspect Theresa May bought the deep Tory-blue outfit she's wearing for her meeting with the Queen as her celebration suit.

12:58PM: Theresa May's statement: what a load of arse. All that's certain is uncertainty.

12:58PM: Forgive my potty mouth, but for fuck's sake:

4:10PM: If Hitchin must have an MP from Kettering, can we swap @BimAfolami for @JamesAcaster? At least I can vouch for the fact he's been here.

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...

"Heh Heh Heh Helection Half Hour."

Thursday morning’s a time I look forward to, as the episode of Hancock’s Half Hour that was broadcast that week becomes available to listen to on iPlayer, and consequently becomes the soundtrack to my bath. Today was no different, with this week’s instalment being the frighteningly appropriate ‘The Election Candidate'. In the episode, Tony is convinced to stand for parliament as a celebrity candidate (*cough* Donald Trump *cough*) and while it’s definitely one of the best - though let’s face it, pretty much all programmes that exist have stood the test of time wonderfully - my favourite moment has to be when Hancock is asked who’ll he’ll vote for, before he’s convinced to through his own hat in the ring. “Neither of them,” he replies. “I shall show my contempt by going down to the polling booth, taking my form, crossing both their names out and writing ‘get knotted’ in”. (Some things never change.) The episode was first broadcas...

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