Tweet Omnibus.


There was a man on the bus today whose sneeze sounded exactly like a police radio.

Now that I’ve piqued your interest, I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve tweeted about buses in the past (because this transition was obvious). You’re in for a riveting ride, but feel free to press the buzzer if you want to get off.

Someone on the back of the bus just made a noise like they were dying.

I like a bus with a stop bell that perforates your eardrum.

This isn't a bus, it's a kiln.

Hot Topic on the Bus: "Do you like Murray Mints?"

Sat on a bus passing another bus on a very tight corner. "That's poor timetabling", I muttered to myself. #DullestThingEverSaid

Boy on the bus, drinking from a family-sized bottle of Coke. Bye bye teeth.

Clean up cat sick. Run for the bus. My life is non-stop glamour.

I'm waiting for a bus. See: I'm just like you.

Hoping to fit on a bus while surrounded by thousands of school kids makes me feel like I'm trying to get a lifeboat on the Titanic.

Me, standing waiting for bus: "Come on, for f**k's sake". Then turning, to see an old lady standing right next to me. #My Life

Listening to a man do a drug deal on the bus from Stevenage. Who says standards are slipping?

(1 of 2) MAN ON STREET (standing with teenager): "Do you know where to get a bus to Letchworth?" ME: "Yes, but you have to walk into town."

(2 of 2) MAN: "Are you heading into town?" ME: "Er...yes." MAN: "Could you take her?". ME: "Well...yes". AWKWARD 20-MINUTE WALK FOLLOWS.

QE2 Hospital bus gossip: 'If you walk into A&E covered in blood, they'll see you.'

It's 17.52. My bus hasn't arrived. A woman just walked past walking two Doberman; is this the replacement service?

Cretins + Public Transport ÷ Alcohol = EVEN BIGGER CRETINS

(Awkward moment when the bus you don't want stops for you.)

On a bus, stuck in traffic. Deathly silent. Deathly, deathly silent.

Waiting for a bus at a crossroads. No blues guitarist. No Devil.

Listening to conversations on the bus makes me think of the Beach Boys song 'I Just Wasn't Made for These Times'.

The bus driver really eyeballed me as he gave me my change. We 'connected'. I think we're married now.

The chavs on the bus go round and round, ALL DAY LONG.

Opened my curtains to reveal a massive Carol Vorderman emblazoned on the side of the Pride of Britain coach. Today can only get better.

Man on bus, talking loudly & confidently on mobile so we're all party to it: your conversation can't be that important; your phone is PINK.

Sticker in the window of a people-carrier, saying "my other car's a bus". No: this car is.

(1 of 2) There's a poster on my bus, advertising driver vacancies, that asks "Are you customer focused?". What does this mean? #CustomerFocused

(2 of 2) It also asks if you're passionate. Would you want a passionate bus driver?

I'd forgotten how awkward it feels to flag down a bus.

I'm on a bendy bus. It's bendy.

There was a boy at my secondary school called Daley Bus.

Join me tomorrow, for ‘Trains’.

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