Glass, Spider, Spider, Glass.


This was the second most popular story on the BBC News website today. Tomorrow they’ll teach us how to suck eggs.


To be fair, that’s actually a screen-grab of the foot of the article, which was a piece on how the UK's wet summer is causing giant house spiders to head indoors. It read like a plot from a B-movie, only more ‘arachnoristic’ (a term I invented myself, meaning ‘containing a greater spider-to-Jeff-Daniels ratio’). Arachnophobes around the country were probably slamming their windows, bolting their doors and brandishing their slippers with intent, after browsing the website. It’s a call to arms against the many-legged beast.

You could argue the warning was a wise move on the part of the BBC: last year, I ejected a spider from my bathroom that was so big, I was afraid to use the back door the following day for fear of reprisals. It was large enough to be included on the electoral roll. He looked like the one at the end of the TV movie 'Stephen King’s It', only less shit. Or should that be “Sh-It”? Sorry, that's the best I could manage in the circumstances.

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