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Stomach Wash.


This morning I was in my bathroom, rinsing out my mouth with mouthwash – both the best location for the job and the best product with which to do it - when my mobile rang. It was my agent, so I thought I’d better answer it.

We had a quick chat about a casting. I then hung up and returned to the bathroom to find the bottle of mouthwash balancing precariously on the cistern of my toilet, with the cap replaced.

I had a sudden flash of panic: did I spit out the mouthwash before I answered the phone? I honestly couldn’t remember.

An alarming grey area lay between the two events. I could only hope that my natural instincts had kicked in when it counted.

I turned the bottle over to read the label: 'WARNING: DO NOT SWALLOW'. Not the most comforting thing to read after a mouthwash blackout.

I’m pretty sure you can’t die from drinking mouthwash. If you could, then most people’s daily dental hygiene routine would be akin to a game of Russian Roulette. It’s probably not advisable to glug down a bottle in one go, but a lid-full isn’t likely to cause much damage.

Is it?

Maybe there’s an animated battle going on in my stomach as we speak; hordes of little cartoon firemen staving off arrows as they ping around my insides.

Probably best to not give it too much thought.
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